Its 11pm tonight and I’m still up. I can’t sleep because there’s so much on my mind. Mostly that my BIS(blackberry internet service) expires at midnight tonight. I have no money for data or internet so I’m gonna be offline for now. Who knows it could be a few days, a week or even a month.
Unfortunately what ever money I do have I’m helping out my family at home because we are financially in a bad situation. Sometimes I just wanna give up and blame GOD for our situation.
To be honest I feel like committing suicide. Life is to hard for me. I can’t get a job. Even when I do get a job. I screw it up because I feel pressured not by others but myself because of my anxiety. I don’t even have the money to seek professional help about that.
Anyway I just wanted to say good bye for now.
Posted in my dairy | Tagged anxiety suicide, bbm, bis, blackberry internet service, blame god, data, depression, faith, financial debt, god, hopeless, hopelessness, internet, lack of confidence, low self esteem, pressure, problems, sad | 4 Comments »
Yes you guessed right i have a crush on my neighbour or you could say my neighbours daughter . I mean I knew her for a long time but back then she was younger, way younger than me and I never really thought of her as anything more than a neighbour.
Lately that changed. She’s just over 21 years old now and her body and appearance has changed she know longer looks sweet but smoking hot sexy. In the past I would of never looked at her with lust but now OMG! I’m thinking of things I wanna do to her that cannot even say here.
How many times I’ve imagined doing nasty things to her. I hope god can forgive me for thinking such thoughts. It wasn’t like it was my intention to think I should have sex with my neighbour she’s so hot. The thoughts just popped into my head I guess after seeing her in a outfit that would drive any guy crazy enough to be attracted to her with pure lust.
I’m sure many girls will see this as a typical guy thing but it isn’t. She’s my neighbour and I will never do anything with her. I have a rule never to get involved with anyone with where i live, because its comes back to bite you in the ass later. Even if I wanted to make a move she has a boyfriend so that settles it.
Posted in relationships | Tagged blogpost, confessions, crush, dating, desire, flirting, forplay, friends with benefits, love, lust, lustful, niegboursdaughter, personal blog, relationship, sex, sexual tension, sexy girls | Leave a Comment »
Today I decided to redo my cv(resume) which americans call resume. Unfortunately I have to put my dreams on hold. Money is tight and I don’t even think we have enough money to pay this months light bill. So who knows when they gonna come cut it.
Well things have been hard since my dad isn’t working over time and they barely have enough work. So his not even working his full hours. So we getting less money and can’t afford to met up the bills.
Sadly we might be forced to sell the house and car eventually to do something to survive. I love my dreams but I love my family more. Sadly its not just us that struggling it seems neighbours and friends are going through the same thing because of this screwed up economy and government.
To be honest it feels like god has forsaken us. Like our praying are not being answered. I’m trying to be positive but its hard when nothing is working out and things are getting worst. Well I haven’t given up yet. So if you can please pray for my family I could use all the help I can get.
Posted in my dairy | Tagged broken, christ, christain, depressed, depression, dreams, economy, faith, faithfull, faithfullness, family, financial debt, forsaken, god, godly, hope, jesus, life, lifestyle, money, prayer, struggle, struggling, umeployment | 5 Comments »
Its been a rough week for me and I was doubting to go to church today but I’m glad I did. So the pastor was preaching and out of nowhere he started talking about he knows how bad things are and know how hard it is to get job these days. First time I’ve seen my pastor saying this and connecting with the people at this level.
Then he said something that surprised me. We need to stop thinking of traditional ways to get finance and money. We need to think outside the box. That god can give you an idea and the creative ability to do something extraordinary to become self employed or be an entrepreneur.
I so agree with what he was saying because its what I believed all along because I read a lot about success and I understand that being traditional is limited and if we can’t get a job that we have the power to create finance in other ways.
The main message I learnt today is that we need to change our mindset. Anyway just hope I have this attitude when monday morning comes.
Posted in my dairy | Tagged christ, church, creative ability, faith, faithfulness, god, jesus, jesus christ, mindset, passive income, pastor, success, traditional thinking, word of god | Leave a Comment »
Image by Thermo0o
Podcasts are awesome and I don’t even know why I stop listening to them. Guess I never really needed them until now. Today I receive some bad news that my dad is having some financial problems. Of course the 1st thing I did was have panic and have anxiety attack but somehow I managed to calm myself down. Next I was thinking of ways to solve my dads problem. Well I hit some dead ends and became depressed.
So I decided to pull out some old podcast by tim paige ,pat Flynn and other amazing entrepreneurs. Finally listened to some podcasts and they really encouraged me giving me hope. Hearing people getting interviewed and hearing their success stories.
So from now on I decided to make monday a podcast day. To listen to podcasts at least once a week on mondays. People don’t realise that you can’t always do everything on their own strength, sometimes you need that extra push and motivation.
Posted in my dairy | Tagged anxiety, bad situations, depression, entrepreneurs, hope, hopeful, life, pat flynn, podcasts, problems, tim paige | Leave a Comment »