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Today I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and career. I love graphic design but is loving it enough. Its not like I make any money from my designs. Its more or less a hobby at moment. I just feel like calling it quits. I’m not even sure anyone likes my designs or they would of liked my facebook page more.

Anyway I’d be doing myself a favour to quit now. Like my mom always says! What are you doing with your life and I’d tell her the same answer to the same question every year “that I’m working towards making my business.”

Yeah some business I got with no clients or made any effort to get clients, because I’m afraid I’d fail them or not get their designs right and I’ll look like an idiot. Let’s not forget I’ll still fighting against anxiety which makes things worse for me.

Maybe keeping graphic design as a hobby is a safer bet. At least that way I’d still love graphic design without the fear of letting clients down. Still I could design for hours that’s how much I love graphic design but I guess I’m just trying to be realistic. Maybe someone like me without degrees and qualifications isn’t meant to succeed. Sometimes dreams just don’t come true.

I know I sound like I’m making excuses for myself but I don’t know what else to do.

Today was an interesting day. Up at 5 am getting dressed up. Taking the bus to town. It was my first time visiting the train station in durban. Durban is the city where I live. Anyway it wasn’t my intention of visiting the train station. I was actually on my way to sort out some personal documents at home affairs which happens to be within the train station.

Anyway I didn’t have much time but I did manage to snap a few photos. I know it isn’t the best of photography you seen ,but its just something I did to remember this day.

Brothers No more!

Today it breaks my heart to discard a family member from my life but its not like his ever there for us. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. My sister and my 1 brother praveen whose a little older than me is always there for me, my mom and my dad! But my eldest brother Niresh he abandoned us!

The reason why I am writing this post is! Lately my dad has been really sick and my sister and my brother praveen comes and sees how he is. My brother Niresh doesn’t even care. He phoned one day spoke for a minute and was talking about himself because he thinks we gonna ask him for money or something.

It makes me sick to see my brother Niresh behaving like a stranger to his own father. The only time he visits is when his marriage is falling apart. Then he comes to stays here. Then he and his wife gets back together and then he forgets his family.

For years sometimes we don’t see him. I don’t even have a relationship with my nephews because they don’t visit. He listens to his wife to stay away from us. I don’t have time for someone who has no time for us. Its sad to cut off someone who is your family but it has to be done.

Finally an event like comiccon has come to south africa. Ucon! Its something I’ve always dreamt of going for. I mean you get to see cosplay, making friends with other gamers and anime fans.
Its the ultimate convention for comicbook junkies, anime and gaming addicts.

Unfortunately it was in another city a bit far from me so I could not go and not to mention I’m broke! So no money to spend and travel there. Still it gives me hope for next year. This years Ucon was unexpected and a huge surprised because we never really had anything like this in south africa before.

I’m sure my friend Zak would agree its definitely worth investing for next year! I mean we die hard anime fans and need a place where we can go and share that passion. For example cosplay! Dressing up as our favourite anime character and just being someone else for the day, living in a fantasy world. Even if its just for a few awesome hours.

I may of missed out on this years UCON but next year I will definitely make a plan to go.

Hi my name is Vishal and I suffer from anxiety. Like many others out there. I was seeking help online through social networks about anxiety. In my searches I realised that there wasn’t much support out there for people suffering from anxiety. Sure there are websites and stuff out there, but they usually want you to buy their book or something!

I was looking for place! No a group/community where people with anxiety could engage and share with one another they true feeling and know they are not alone. Not to long a go I started using google plus a lot. I’ve made some good friends there. A shout to Samuel Vain who inspired me to write this post.

So I’ve been searching through googleplus! Hashtag #anxiety and found a women named Sarah talking about how she used to have anxiety. So I commented and gave a small speech about how there needs to be a group for people who suffer from anxiety.

Little did I know my speech would spark a movement. I think Sarah or my friend Samuel created such a group now. Only late last week did I find out about this group when I wrote a post on googleplus about how I had anxiety that week. Then my friend Samuel told me! Have you forgotten there is such a group for anxiety! One that you helped inspired and was created for people like us.

I never imagined I would inspire such an act! An anxiety support group. I just joined the group recently. Sadly the group page doesn’t work on your mobile if you got a blackberry like me or using operamini. It does work on android and desktop devices though. If you interested in joining this anxiety support group add me googleplus www.gplus.to/vishal4nw

To Go or not to Go!

Its friday and our neighbour’s daughter is getting married. Its a hindu or tamil wedding. So the wedding is actually tomorrow but they invited us also tonight. I’m not sure weather to go. I mean its gonna feel awkward sitting with my parents and yet again going to another function being single. Also most of the girls there come with their boyfriends or parents. So theirs no room for flirting or meeting someone new.

Still the upside is! There’s always good food at these events. Never mind that just looking at all the beautiful women is enough even if I don’t talk to them. The other reason why I don’t wanna go is because I cut my hair. I made it really short and I don’t look so good with this hairstyle. What was I thinking hey! It was hot and I was frustrated so yes I cut my own hair.

Usually when I go to these events that are in my neighbourhood. I usually sit with my one neighbour if possible. She always keeps me company! No she’s not single though just really sweet. I want to go but I’m in a crappy mood for some reason. So I’m not sure if I’ll be good company.

The thing is! The girl that’s getting married. Well a year or 2 ago we was getting to know each other better. Even though we are neighbours I never really spoke to her. So I added her on facebook she had broken up with her ex at the time and we used to stay up late chatting. There was some chemistry there but all of a sudden she disappeared. I haven’t heard from her in a while since then.

Late last year I see she’s back on facebook again but this time she has a boyfriend. So i noticed she unfriended me on facebook. So I added her again as a friend, but never spoken since then. Sorry I think I got a bit side tracked putting to much taught into this post remembering the history here.

Anyway if I don’t find something to wear and if I don’t look good wearing it. I am not going.

Today like any other day I was relaxing in my room until I heard my dogs barking so I ran to go see what was going on! Suddenly I realised I’m out of breathe. Then I realised how out of shape I was. Still I’m sure you wondering what this has to do with my post title!

Here we go! I’ve read a lot of inspiring articles and books! Still my self esteem and confidence is at an all time low. Today after being out of breathe from just running from my room to the lounge got me thinking! I don’t feel good about myself. its also why I’m so lazy both mentally and physically.

Being out of shape effected my self esteem more than I ever knew. It influences my mind set of not feeling good enough. Not looking good enough. So not really giving it my 100%, not really any way.

Guess thinking about getting in shape is even harder! Then there’s dieting and eating healthy. So I’ve been putting off exercise for a while. So I heard this podcast right about this entrepreneur who started the 12 minute athlete. Its was inspiring to hear her story about how after exercising and getting in shape how her confidence began to grow. She became bolder and daring once started feeling good about herself and her life.

It was inspiration oh right. My point is inspiration runs out and I’ll still have to put in the work for this to, well! WORK! So I’m writing this post as a reminder that I should get in shape as soon as possible. Hopefully some of you reading this will keep me grounded and make sure I keep my word.

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