Finally broke the news to my family that I have anxiety!

This morning I woke up feeling kinda down. So just as I work up, then my mom tells me to send a message to my sister to phone her. So my sister phoned my mom. They was talking a bit next thing I know my mom is telling my sister that she must talk to me because I’m doing nothing with my live. Bitching about how one pastor on tv said if you feel you nothing you be nothing. The conversation when on and on.

Eventually I couldn’t take it and I told my mother give me the dam phone. So I told my sister in front of my mother that I got anxiety and that sort out help because I can’t get job only to lose it because of my anxiety. What shocked me the most was the words my sister told me was ” Sometimes we don’t get the jobs we want!” The my sister gave me the example about my niece wanting to do teacher and didn’t because she couldn’t afford to.

Those words broke my heart! I believed what she said because I always looked up to her. I felt my dreams literally being crushed. I went in my room and began thinking to much about what she said! Which gave me a panic attack. After a few minutes I calmed myself. Watching tv, playing on my phone anything to keep my mind distracted.

After hearing that I have anxiety my mom never asked me a word about it or how I felt. You know what! fuck the pastor who said what he said. My family should be encouraging me and not listening to what some pastor says on tv. Sometimes we become so religious we forget to care about one another and judge each other instead.

In a way what happen today is a good thing I’ve been struggling with coming up with a way to tell my parents I have anxiety. Today was unexpected more like an outburst. If this didn’t happen I wouldn’t of never told my parents about my anxiety at all. I wanted to deal with it on my own because I knew they wouldn’t support me when I needed them.

On a good note I feel a lot lighter for getting that of my chest. On the bad note I do feel like killing myself because of what my sister said. I mean we don’t always get what we want. Hell I never expected her of all people to say that. I’ve worked hard to learn graphic design skills without going to college or any institute. I plan working for myself someday. Can’t believe you would tell me I can’t have that.

Still I will always love my family no matter what they said. Just gonna have to work on my dreams on my own without their support that’s all.

Money or success?

Another day waking up and I’m unemployed! I asked myself the question do you want success or money? Normally I would say success because that’s what I’ve been working towards. Now that I’m not seeing any results you wonder if success is really worth it. As for complications I have anxiety that gotten worse over time.

So when things get hard and you become desperate its temping to say screw success. I just want money. That’s how I’m feeling right now. Its why I haven’t blogged lately because I’ve been really depressed. I’m anxious all the time wondering and waiting for something that would change my life for the better. Unfortunately in the real world people create their success not wait for it.

I don’t know what I’m doing. No college degrees. No real work experience. Do I even have a choice between money or success because if feels like both are out of my reach. Still I’m not giving up.

Guess my plan is to build myself confidence. Get healthy. believe in myself. Repair my relationship with God. Still not sure how I’m gonna do it but I’m sure someone out there whose reading this may of gone through something like this and succeeded. I’d love to hear what you have to say? So please do comment and share your advice.

Finally sorted out my #starsat satellite dish

You know what’s worse than being unemployed? Well having to deal with customer care for your satellite service. About 2 weeks ago we installed starsat satellite tv. The problem was the tv channels I wanted to worked wasn’t working at all.

I called the customer service 2 weeks ago and a lot of other times since then. There was no help at all from the customer care. They only kept telling me they submitted our problem to the technical department and they will call me. They never did call me. I kept call them for the past 2 weeks and wasting my airtime dealing with this nonsense.

Friday last week someone from starsat called us and said they will be here in 30 minutes to sort our problem. The day went by and nobody arrived. We called the number the guy called us from and lady answer and said she will give us the technicians number. Ok I phone that number and a guy answers who doesn’t work for that company. I was so pissed because its frustrating no is helping us.

So this morning I email the company threatening them if they didn’t sort out my problem by today I was gonna put them in the papers for bad customers service. An hour later they sent a van with their technicians to finally sort things out. Now all my tv channels are working thank god.

Guess sometimes you can’t be nice to get results.

Why I still wanna get the nokia asha 503

Today I have a blackberry and its awesome but my keypad is slowly going. So who knows when I’m gonna need a new phone. Still with Android conquering the market its clearly the obvious choice. Android is on almost every device and now they have budget android phones so people still ask me why do you still want to get a nokia asha 503.

Its really simple! Firstly I’m unemployed. This matter because android eats a lot of data whereby the nokia asha doesn’t and it only charges you for what you using. Secondly most people with a top notch phone like the samsung galaxy s5 only use it for its most basic features like whatsapp, email, facebook, twitter, youtube, music, videos and lately bbm.
So basically they have an expensive phone to use basic features.

That’s exactly why I want to get the nokia asha 503 because I don’t need all the extra apps to eat my data. Just everything I need! The asha 503 provides. Twitter, facebook, internet, email, linkedin, music, videos, games, alternative blogging apps for blogger and wordpress. I’m not much a fan of instagram but the nokia asha has a 3rd party instagram app if you choose to use instagram on your asha.

Besides all the favourite apps like 4squares, wechat, line, youtube, viber and more you can get on the nokia asha. I’m not saying its perfect. It has some things about the phone that annoys me like? The screen should of been bigger? No multi tasking with apps accept for music player in the background. No default copy and paste feature but you can copy and paste on apps like operamini, uc browser and any other app that allows you to use that feature.

Good qualities : comes with facebook, twitter and more preloaded. The fastlane feature is a quick menu that allows to access your most used apps in a swipe. Also the phone looks dam good. The touch keypad is awesome and you can change the layouts of the keyboard touch screen. Still this is just my opinion but I’m sure can make up your own mind when buying a phone to suit your needs.

Addicted to Game of thrones

Hi peeps just back from a great weekend. Why because I’m kind of a newbie to watching Game of thrones. I heard a lot of good things about the show so I decided to finally see it for myself. I mean I just finished with watching Arrow and suits season 3 and felt its time for a new series.

So from last week I’ve started watching season 1 and 2 of Game of thrones. This weekend I watched season 3 as a marathon. My opinion on the show! I thought it started off kind of slow but when I got into the story I was hooked. No! Addicted. The story is written so brilliant. Its like watching an awesome anime. Where there showing simultaneous characters stories. Making it hard for you to choose who you want as your favourite character.

Sure I thought? Yeah Game of thrones! Heard it was good and I’m sure it is ,but I didn’t think it would be this good. Its freaking awesome. I feels to short the season. I mean! 10 episodes only. We need more.

So I Just finished with season 3 on sunday night and my thoughts are?

I really did want Rob Stark to defeat the Lannister’s and take kings landing to avenge his father death! “Ned stark”. But honestly I would of never imagined what happened in the end of season 3.

That’s why I plan on taking my time with season 4 and watching a episode a day. I love this show a lot. The characters. The plot and the Villains. Don’t take my word for it and see it for yourself.

Impatience pending

Its another day, another week and I’m no more closer to success or overcoming anxiety. Its been 3 weeks since I’ve been officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The truth is I just want the hard part of my life to be over. I wanna live past the pain, past the struggle and live in the end product of my life where I’m confident, successful, overcame anxiety, in a good relationship and where my parents are proud of me.

I’m tired of waiting for things to get better. Yes I’m impatient. Its like I dug myself into this rut and I can’t get out. The only thing I really have to live for right now is tvshows and anime. Its keeps me going and in that moment watching my tvshows I forget my problems until the show ends. Reality comes back.

I’m fighting against depression, an anxiety disorder and unemployment all on my own. I haven’t even gone for my 1st therapy session yet because I still have to break the news to my parents. Who knows what they gonna say when they find out.

I’m lost. You have no idea how it feels to be so useless. I know I have potential on the inside of me but sometimes no matter how hard I try doing a job, or helping a friend I never feel good enough and the worst apart about that is! That’s my own opinion about myself.

I never imagined I’d come close to a mental melt down. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when he created me. If there’s a plan I’m sure its not this. Its natural for me to blame God I tell myself, but honestly its easier to blame then to take responsibility.

I’m sure many of you are probably sick of me talking about my anxiety. Guess what so am I! But its the only thing that’s going on in my life right now. So I blog about it. In a weird way writing my feeling down on my blog is a way of destressing.

Despite my angry out burst I thank god for giving me the strength to finally take the necessary steps to begin battling and eventually overcoming this anxiety. If all goes well I’ll be going for my 1st therapy session next month.

Public indecency

So yesterday me and my friend went to the library to photocopy some stuff and when we was walking back home. We decided to take a shortcut through a sports grounds. Anyway we thought while we are here we might as well exercise a bit and walk a few laps around the grounds.

Now as we walking we came across a couple cuddling and they making out. The girl was about 16 and the guy looked like he was in his late twenties.

The sport grounds was empty so I assume the couple came there to get freaky. They never see us as yet but things was heating up between the 2 of them. Me and my friend decided this isn’t right. If we have to pay for a room to hook up with girls! Then so should they. Besides it looked like that guy was only using that girl for sex. After all she’s so young compared to him.

So my friend and I decided to make this couple feel uncomfortable by walking laps right in front of them. Of course that’s not the only reason. We wanted to get a good look at the girl. She was cute. Small in size and perfect body.

Anyway we walked laps and was talking non sense loud. It did make the couple uncomfortable to the point they stopped kissing and cuddling and just started talking for awhile hoping for me and my friend to leave. Instead we spent an honour there with them until they got fed up and left.

Me and my friend realised in a way we did do a good thing. We prevented that girl from having sex and possibly getting pregnant. Either way it was an interesting day.