Finally printed my 1st set of business cards


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Hi I know it’s been a while since I posted anything positive but I actually do have good news.  I finally printed my first set of business cards.  I’m sure for most of you this isn’t anything special.  For me this is a huge deal.  Investing in myself.  I finally feel like an entrepreneur now.

I’m actually quite nervous now that I printed out my business cards.  It feels like I’m finally moving forward.  Sure I don’t expect business to be over flowing but I do believe it’s a starting point.

A special thanks to zak khan for pushing me. Encouraging me when I wanted to give up.  Also like to thank God for blessing me with many opportunities to learn more about graphic design and exploring this field.

Getting lonelier with age!

Today as I woke up listening to a song.  I became quite emotional.  Basically I started to feel lonely. As the days, months and years are going by I’m seeing friends and family less and lesser. I can’t describe this feeling of loneliness.  It makes me feel sick and empty at times.

I wish i could turn back time.  The days when life was less complicated. No responsibilities.  Just going out and having fun. Unfortunately we can’t go back to those days.  Friends have kids others getting engaged.  Their lives are busy.  I’m happy for them,  they my friend.  I just miss them.

As for family.  My brother can’t visit us his wife hates our family and won’t let him visit us.  My sister lives a bit far off so I see her at church or special occasions like birthdays etc.  Still even when we do get together the family!  We couldn’t be further apart.  Everyone’s on their phones chatting to someone else. That’s why I miss my dogs so much because when nobody was around they was always there for me.  Now that they gone I’m still heart broken over it.  What must I do life must go on. 

The worst part of my life I’m the single guy in bunch of friends.  Haven’t been in love since high school.  How lame is that.  I just think with age comes loneliness. Guess I was feeling more lonely that I realized writing this post.

My 1st entrepreneur sales pitch

Today I decided to finish work early so that I could go to a printing firm to get a quote for business cards that I’m designed and other quotes for flyers brochures.  Because I’m a graphic designer whose starting up and looking for a printing press where I can take my designs when I have clients. To be honest I was nervous. Anxious as hell to the point I almost stop myself from approaching the company.

Finally I went in the company and spoke to a consultant. As for my sales pitch! He was asking a butch of questions I wasn’t sure I could answer because I was feeling so overwhelmed, wondering what his thinking of me. Does he think I’m so loser taking a chance or am I really serious.

When it was my turn to speak I thought I was gonna blank out but the words just came out. Saying what I needed to say. How I wanted business cards brochures, flyers the works. Even I was a little impressed. Things went well but only to find out that the printing company doesn’t do the stuff I need printed. They mostly do large banners and printing on large material only and so on!

Even though it may of seemed like a loss I did gain a little confidence being able speak out the way I did. Usually I’m timid. So I finally took a step to entrepreneurship to me. Feels good and will keep on taking  baby steps till my graphic design freelance work earns me a living. So that I can work for myself on a permanent basis.

Turning down a job offer!

I’m sure a lot of people are thinking! Is he insane. Its a tough economy. ‘His turning down a job’. To be honest I’m going crazy thinking about it. Its a job I have no experience in, for the same amount pay at my current job. Only upside to the job they offer benefits and the job will be more permanent.

So why didn’t I take the job! Cause I’m a slower learner anything out of my depth causes me anxiety. My previous job I was asked why am I so stupid while having a panic attack. This was caused because I wasn’t learning the job fast enough. The unknown not having control makes me anxious building up anxiety.

If you judging me don’t! You don’t know what’s it’s like to live with a mental disability. Living in fear. Unable to trust your own thoughts or make a decision without feeling regret all the time. Its often why I had avoided working for a long time. I prefer working as a freelance graphic designer where I can work at my own pace, its what got me this job and also by the help of a friend.

Getting a new job is scary for me. Especially when I don’t know anything about it and have to magically learn it on the spot. I can’t do miracles. I wish I was a fast learner with a high self esteem but I’m not. Sometimes I wonder why I was made this way. Its really weird I think but!  I am who I am. 

Overwhelming choices

Life isn’t so easy when you trying to aim for your dreams. Lately I’ve been overwhelmed and doubting myself. Why? Over 5 years ago I got into graphic design using free software ‘gimp and inkscape’ but as of lately I’ve been working in the print design industry and I have to use photoshop and illustrator. This means its like starting from scratch learning new software and how this industry works.

Its bad enough I have anxiety but now I can’t sleep. All I’m thinking about is when will I’ll been done learning this software. I’m anxious everyday. Its eating me up. I’ve even given thought to giving up on graphic design.

Sure I’m working now but my job might soon come to an end. Sure its a great job but I always wanted to be my own boss someday. Sure it sounds great in theory but its easier said than done. I still haven’t settled on a design for my own business cards. I haven’t had the courage yet to call or make any communication with any printing company that I might use in the future to print my clients designs.

It feels like a pipe dream, I’m 31 and Starting over in graphic design, Which makes me a beginner again. So do I even stand a chance? To start my own business. Its killing me all these choices. If only I had someone to talk to. Someone to help me in my field. That would be amazing but life isn’t that easy right. I don’t have the connections or the resources.

Do I give up or keep trying….! Guess we will see in time.

Omg! There’s a new yugioh movie #anime coming this April 2016


I just got to say i had a bad week.  Stuff at work,  i got sick.  Just expecting things to get worse.  Today i went on Facebook and i saw a link regarding the anime yugioh.  Of course i clicked on it.  Yugioh (original) was one of the first and favorite animes i ever watched.  So when i clicked on the link only to find out that there’s a news about thr yugioh movie from the original series.

There was also the trailer.  I can’t tell you how many times i watched the trailer.  Omg I got goose bumps watching the trailer.  The animation looks awesome and new.  Still can’t believe that this is happening.

From what I seen so far they show us in the movie is continuing where the series ended. Which what every anime and yugioh fan is waiting for.  Also the story is written by the original author of the manga so you know it’s gonna be awesome besides the trailer did look amazing.  Still feels so long till April.  I just can’t wait for this movie.

Are now days girls boring? Cause they don’t know how to have a conversation

Hi I know its been a while. I’m just kinda frustrated. Why? Because I can’t get more than 4 sentences when chatting to a women.

I’m sure if you read a few of my previous posts, you would know there was someone who is interested me but she and a lot off other women I’ve chatted with can’t or don’t know how to have a conversation.

This is how it goes:

Me: Hi

Girl: hi

Me: how you doing?


Me:what you up to

Girl: nothing much

Me: just got back from work. It was a hectic day.

Girl: o okay

(the end)

Like seriously that pisses me off. I mean how hard is it to say something really. I mean how do I get to know you if you replying with vague or one word answers. Its a huge turn off.

I’m not sure how to handle this problem.  Its like when you meet someone and ask them about themselves. Its like don’t do or live a life. They can’t answer nothing about themselves. No interests, no passions, just pointless replies.

I don’t mean all women. I also experimented on a dating website and the out come was pretty much the same. Boring conversations. Believe it or not I’ve had better conversation with ladies in a relationship rather than single ones.

Maybe I’m looking in the wrong place. So the question is? Where is the right place. Where are the interesting women. Anyway just thought I’d share what’s on my mind.