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God isn’t real!

Im sure many of you wouldn’t agree with me when I say! God isn’t real. Due to recent tragedies I lost my faith in God and have been looking for a reason to believe in him again. The truth be told the more I pray the worse things get. Whats worst is I dont believe but recently people I know, strong believers I know are suffering terribly.

An intercessor at our church lost her son due to suicide. Another person from my church! His wife got cancer. Where is God in all this. What good suppose to come out from all of this. When I prayed for God to save my dogs they died anyway.

The truth is im angry at God and terribly scared of the future. Im not sure what to do or what to believe anymore. Yeah I hope to believe that God is real but as off lately his done a great job convincing me he doesn’t.

I feel like an idiot sometimes praying to the fresh air. I mean people claim to have connections with God, they claim God has spoken to them, so why not speak to me when I need him.

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To much celebration and death for this last weekend

Hi and welcome back from the weekend. Is been a hectic weekend for me attended a wedding function and got news of 2 deaths.1 from our church and the other is family.

To be honest I enjoyed the wedding because I feels like forever since I’ve been out and celebrated something. Then I got the news last night that a member from our church had committed suicide and hung himself. People are asking the question why? He did what he did. To be honest I can relate to him because Ive been there being suicidal but recently gotten help. Still its sad that this young man took his own life. Because I knew him as this happy guy.

So this morning we get another phone call ,someone in our family has passed away. This really sucks. Bad news after bad news.

All this death makes you think that we should appreciate life and our family. To be honest my family is so divided that only when it comes to functions or funerals that we get to see each other.

hopefully these tragedies will help bring our families closer. If only life was that simple. Still life goes on and hope to make the best of mine this 2015.

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My people skills suck!

My apologies I haven’t blogged in a while. Just been going through a lot of stuff lately. Anyway last night I attended a wedding function in my road and met alot of old friends from my school days.

Its seems I didn’t have much on common with them and ran out of things to say! Its true that my communication skills sucks but those where friends I used to spend time and talk for hours with. Now I cant even go 5 minutes without running out of things to say!

Maybe I out grown them but still I feel kinda bad that I couldn’t relate to them like I used to. Well now that im back! I will be blogging more frequently. Since many of my readers and bloggers have been there for me when my dogs had passed away and I thank you for you’ll condolences. Have a great weekend everyone.

I’ve had the best dogs in the world

Hi if you been reading my blog I’m sure you read about my dogs recently passing away, today is exactly 2 weeks now that my precious dog ‘Brandy’ passed away. Today my mom tells me she had a dream about her and I burst into tears. I miss her so much and it ihas gotten any easier because 5 months ago my other dog named ‘King’ passed away. He was also brandy’s son.

I wasn’t even over kings death and now brandy is gone to. Its devastating. I’ve been keeping myself busy lately but every now and then the realisation that my dogs are gone gives me a lot of anxiety, because I long for them. I can’t imagine a life without them but that is exactly what my life is right now.

I think about suicide a lot. I mean I don’t have a girlfriend or a lot of female friends. I have close friends but they have their own lives too. All I had was my dogs. I lived for them. No one understands my loneliness. I just want to die. I don’t even know how I got through these past 2 weeks. Still it hasn’t gotten any easier.

I wish for things to go back to the way it used to be. I’ve been blessed with the best dogs in the whole world. Brandy was fat and cute and King was handsome and playful. My dogs knew me well. They always made my day. Now I’m in a state of depression and anxiety because I missed them so much. I don’t want to move on because I don’t want to forget. The pain helps me remember them. I wish people could understand.

I’m writing this post because I’m scared and not sure what to do anymore.

Rip brandy my dog you are loved :(

Yesday was sad day for me because my dog brandy has past away in the morning. Im sorry it took me so long to write this post Im just hurting. Missing her. I just want to honour her with this gallery. So I will never lose these photos. Brandy death was harder than her son “king” who passed away also 5 months ago. With brandy gone I dont know how im gonna live. Im alone now. Both my dogs are gone. Brandy was my life. With her gone I dont know what im gonna do. Its been a hard day so far. To many tears where shed by me and my family. Brandy I hope u happy where u gone to now. It was you who made me happy and not me making u happy. Remember I will always love you.

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Wish my dog would live forever

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This has been a stressful week for me because my dog ‘Brandy’ is very sick. Not to long ago ,last year august 2014 I lost my other dog ‘king’ which was ‘Brandy’s’ son. King’s death broke me and drove me to take antidepressants.

Now im so stressed because we took Brandy to the vet and they gave her meds and she still not eating and was spewing. Im scared that the meds might not be working. I cant deal with the loss of yet another dog. Im scare. Sad. Wishing, hoping and praying she will get better.

My dogs has made my life so much better, when I was lonely and friends where busy I always had my dogs. But I am praying she gets better but if things turn for the worst I pray God will take her peacefully and not let her suffer.

What can I do but pray now! I love her. Only a real pet lover would understand this. I had to write down how I feel because this is eating me inside.

#Thewalkingdead or #Nationz

Lately I’ve been in a conflict because I’ve been putting off watching nationZ. I’m a huge fan of The walking dead and didn’t wanna get into another series about zombies. Unfortunately I wasn’t left with a choice since my friends insisted I watch nationZ.

So guess what? I watched nationZ! Ok sure it has its good qualities but more bad ones. I mean there are a lot of aspects that NationZ copies from The walking dead. Also the cannibals in NationZ! Their acting is so fake and so is that guy commentating about the zombie apocalypse. Remember in The walking dead #terminus how hardcore the cannibals where!

Also the so called cure in nation Z is stupid if the guy himself is slowing turning into a human zombie, that can’t really be a cure. I mean that guy murphy.

The walking dead is awesome but I’m kinda getting tired of the so called surviving episodes over and over. People die, people getting sick, getting food slash supplies and finding a safe place in every season. I want to see more of what happen to the government or maybe something more about the origins of the zombie virus like in the end of season 1. That was interesting. Even season 3 with the governor! That was an awesome arc.

Still walking dead is far better than Nationz hands down. Just my opinion guys if you are nation Z fans.