Today I did what I needed to do. So I could make sure I can live my life and not live in fear because of my anxiety. Yes I am broke and do not have the money to go to a private doctor. So instead I went to the local clinic for help. I waited a long time but finally the nurse calls me in the room. I was hoping to see a doctor but I needed to make an appointment for that the nurse said to me.
I spoke to the nurse about my problem so she could advise me on what to do because God knows I didn’t. The most unexpected thing happened, I broke down and began to cry. Guess what I needed that more than you could ever know. After that it felt like something heavy was lifted from my shoulders. It felt good to talk to stranger who cared enough to encourage me.
After we spoke the nurse told me that the clinic doesn’t keep any drugs regarding anxiety and wrote me a letter to go to local hospital to join a support group. Also to see a psychologist. I’m actually looking forward to that. The nurse was very understanding and told me how things are gonna get better because I took the first step in getting help.
I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere now. The truth is I feel weak but if it means seeing psychologist to get the help I need, then I will. I’m tried of screwing my life, jobs, relationships and my dreams. I thought going to church or talking to someone there would help but it didn’t. They judge me for being weak and give their options on how I’m screwing up as well as some of my family. That’s why I’m keeping my distance from those people. God hasn’t let me down but people have.
There’s a saying in movies about being an addict. You first got to admit you have a problem in order to take the first step to recovery. I believe I took that first step and feel a little lighter and at peace with myself. Yes its hard dealing with anxiety when it keeps getting worse and worse. Unable to talk to your own family members. Its a heavy burden to shoulder.
I wrote this post not because I wanted to write a post. No because I know the pain and want to encourage others to get the help they need and take that first step. Believe me after that you will feel a lot better. There’s a lot more I could say but let me leave you with that. If you have any questions or wanna know more comment, tweet or email me.