Impatience pending

Its another day, another week and I’m no more closer to success or overcoming anxiety. Its been 3 weeks since I’ve been officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The truth is I just want the hard part of my life to be over. I wanna live past the pain, past the struggle and live in the end product of my life where I’m confident, successful, overcame anxiety, in a good relationship and where my parents are proud of me.

I’m tired of waiting for things to get better. Yes I’m impatient. Its like I dug myself into this rut and I can’t get out. The only thing I really have to live for right now is tvshows and anime. Its keeps me going and in that moment watching my tvshows I forget my problems until the show ends. Reality comes back.

I’m fighting against depression, an anxiety disorder and unemployment all on my own. I haven’t even gone for my 1st therapy session yet because I still have to break the news to my parents. Who knows what they gonna say when they find out.

I’m lost. You have no idea how it feels to be so useless. I know I have potential on the inside of me but sometimes no matter how hard I try doing a job, or helping a friend I never feel good enough and the worst apart about that is! That’s my own opinion about myself.

I never imagined I’d come close to a mental melt down. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when he created me. If there’s a plan I’m sure its not this. Its natural for me to blame God I tell myself, but honestly its easier to blame then to take responsibility.

I’m sure many of you are probably sick of me talking about my anxiety. Guess what so am I! But its the only thing that’s going on in my life right now. So I blog about it. In a weird way writing my feeling down on my blog is a way of destressing.

Despite my angry out burst I thank god for giving me the strength to finally take the necessary steps to begin battling and eventually overcoming this anxiety. If all goes well I’ll be going for my 1st therapy session next month.

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