Hey its me and you probably know I’m not the religious type but believe in God. Anyway our church has been fasting for 21 days and next week Tuesday the fast will end. Honestly I haven’t really had much faith in fasting. Cause went everyone fasts. They seem to do it and they either have some sort of encounter with God or the thing they been praying for comes through. I on the other hand haven’t had those experiences. I’m like Thomas the apostle. Because I have not seen you I do not believe. Maybe that’s my flaw. Faith its self feels like a gamble. You hope for something not knowing how or if it’s gonna happen.
Still I did the fast every year despite not seeing the hopes I wanted come true. I’ve been blinded by big dreams. I forgot to be thankful for the little steps God has brought me along the way. The process of growing like a tree can’t be rushed I realised. I don’t understand why I have been detached from the world with my anxiety. That I don’t have the business I wanted yet or able to drive or date or be married by now. The truth is if I did have these things I wouldn’t be able to cope and handle these things yet.
So I over looked that. I need time to grow into these roles. To be a good husband. Deal with my anxiety and the things it prevents me from doing like driving. There’s so many things. I know I have to follow a path and today I realised that talking to a childhood friend. Her support means a lot and she always believed in me even when I didn’t. When we where younger I always looked up to her because she is incredibly smart. People would also always tease us that we would get married one day because we where so close as kids.
I can’t begin to understand what God is doing. His setting up a bigger stage for me in life. I look at my present and it looks defeated. I can’t see what God sees. So I guess faith is still a bit of a challenge for me. So prayer has become the foundation and fasting helps connect me with God.