Lately I find myself to have a best friend called jackie! She’s a dog, breed: jack russel. Cute brown and white dog and so small that you can easily carry her. She’s not my dog but my opposite neighbours. She’s in and out my house most of the time with a small hole in the fence she made. I honestly don’t mind either do my parents. They have also taken a liking to her.
Anyway as for my blog title. Well guess I lately I don’t see my friend as much as I’d like. I understand some of them are busy with work and wives or girl friends and other don’t even reply to a text which is frustrating. This has left me feeling kinda alone.
When I had my own dogs they used to keep me so busy. I still miss them. They where my best friends even back then. Now that they gone and no friends in sight. I’m grateful my neighbours dog “jackie” visits so often. She helps make time go by. She’s not your ordinary jack russel. Honestly she can play and play and won’t be tired but I’d be completely drained. I had to make toys for her since she likes to bite things. Like my mom’s duster, my sandals, one old rope etc.
Jackie has become a part of my life and my family now. In fact she loves my dad more than anyone. I’m just kinda afraid I don’t have to go through such a loss like I did with my own dogs. I barely recovered from that. I know I have a lot of love to give even if she isn’t my dog.
Lately I’ve been lonely. Got out of a relationship that didn’t last because she didn’t no time for me, but time for strangers to tweet all day. I wasn’t never this lonely. When my dogs was alive they would keep me company. They made me happy and was my reason for living. After they passed away, I feel like an empty shell going from 1 day to another. People say I should consider getting another dog!
I’ve also considered that possibility, but it just feels wrong to me to replace my previous dogs with a new one. My dogs ‘Brandy and King’ where unique. They understood me. They personality made them who they where. Most of all losing them was the hardest part so even if I did get another dog. I can’t go through that again. Losing something I love. It almost killed me the last time with depression and anxiety.
Still I miss having a dog to love and being loved. I guess the thing I miss the most is after having supper I’d go outside and play with them till they satisfied or sometimes I’d take them for a walk.
There’s no replacement for the dogs I had but for now my neighbour has a cute pitbull dog that I play with all the time. Its not the same as having my own dog but it helps sometimes when I’m lonely.
Today for many they celebrate youth day but for me its something more special. Its the day received a little pup in a small cardboard box. She wasn’t healthy and had a terrible skin condition. We took her to vet got some meds and she was looking better in no time.
Her hair grew back and couldn’t even tell she was sick. We decided to name her ‘Brandy’.
We all loved her, my mom, sister, niece, brother, father and myself. She was the 1st thing I’d look for when I woke up each day. I remember how mischief she was biting my shoes. She was really spoilt also. Instead of eating dog food chunks, my mom always cooked for her like a stew with bones and stuff.
She loved walks. Also she loves sweet things like cake and ice cream but I gave only now and then so she didn’t get worms. I always did my best to spoil her. 12 years ago she gave birth to a set of 13 pups. 4 died and 9 pups survived. We gave 8 pups and kept 1. Her son which we named him *King*.
Brandy grew up to be a health loved dog. Today would of been her birthday if she was still alive. She passed away this year january 24 2015. My heart breaks. I miss her so much. The last 3 nights before she died I was up with her all night. I was anxious, stressed seeing in so much pain I couldn’t do anything about it. My Vet said she is old and there is nothing more they can do.
January 23 2015 she took a turn for the worst. I had no choice but we decided we should put her down but its seems everywhere was closed. So that night I stayed up as much as I could. I couldn’t bare to watch her suffer. We was gonna take her to spca the next day to put her down but she had already passed away the next morning.
It was like my heart died with her that morning. Today would of been her birthday. I wish so badly that she could be here with me. All I can do is remember and cherish the memories I had with her. Even in death I worry about her. Where she is. How is she doing. I still feel that sense of responsibility cause I loved her so much.
Just want to say happy birthday my Brandy where ever you are I hope you are well. Your family loves you and misses you.
Today is exactly 1 week since my dog “KinG” has pasted away. I thought I was doing ok until yesterday but today the reality of knowing that exactly a week ago on this day, my dog died. I broke down with tears crying.
Later that day I was talking to my mom. We was talking about how quite it is that my dog “KinG” is gone. Then I never expected my mom to break down in tears saying how much she misses him.
Then and there I realised how selfish I was! All this time I was thinking about myself ,about how much I miss “KinG”. I never stopped to think about how my family is feeling about this loss. My mom she loved “King”. She treated him like a child. No like a baby.
My dog “KinG” was the life of this house. As soon as we wake up his barking for his food. He walks in and out of the house as he pleases. Jumps on the bed when he feels like. Obsessed with playing the ball and won’t stop barking until I play with him. He certainly earned the name “KinG” by behaving like one.
I miss him a lot. I still have regret about how he died. I didn’t want to put him down but if we didn’t, he would of suffered and died anyway. Still I wish I could turn back time and wish I had noticed he was sick earlier. So we could of saved him. I let my best friend down I feel 😦 .
I like to thank all the people who had supported me through this loss. I thank my friends moses and oyeshan for coming to see me on the day “KinG” died. It helped having friends around to bare some of the pain.
Despite my regrets. The thing that made me cry the most was? Before “KinG” died he gave me 1 last gift. He woke up and looked me and my mom wagging his tail like he would normally do when he was well and went back to sleep. He looked happy when he did that. I guess he was saying good bye in his own way. Every time I think back to that moment I want to cry. He may of been ready to say good bye but I wasn’t.
I want to honour my Dog “KinG” with my life. He made me happy and I’m gonna do what I can to become successful. When I get over this loss I will help my family and make my parents happy like “KinG” did for us. He was a gift from GOD. How ever little time we had with him, I’m glad we knew him at all. I hope you watching over me “KinG”. I will do my best to take of your mother “Brandy”. I will spend more time with her as I can.
I’ll soon upload a gallery of my dog “KinG” in this month. So I can remember him and I will always have his photos weather it be online or offline.
This week has been most devastating to me and my family. This week tuesday I had to put off my dog ‘King’ due to him having kidney failure. Grieving is difficult. Feeling guilty, regret and depression sinks in.
That tuesday and wednesday I could not comprehend or believe that he is gone. I was in denial. Thursday I guess it finally sunk in that he is gone and never coming back. My family has taken this very hard as well. I’m trying to be strong for them and my other dog who is in fact who is kings mother.
Still it isn’t easy I barely ate since my dog “Kings” death. Sometimes I feel ok and at peace knowing he was happy and that he made me happy. Others times I feel devastated wishing and longing he was here with me. To play with him. To throw the ball for him. Play catch.
I’ve been to some online support groups regarding a loss of a pet, and they say pretty much the same thing. That we feel guilty. I mean I wish I spotted his sickness earlier maybe I could of saved him and he would still be here with me today. That kind of guilt! Its hard to ignore. Despite the support groups saying that we should not feel guilty, but we do.
Yesterday I woke up so late. Spent half the day in bed because I just couldn’t wake up and face the day. I’m still grieving even today but it isn’t as bad as earlier this week. Still it made me aware that life is pointless. Why live when you just gonna lose everything. Money can’t buy the thing you want the most. It can’t give you time back.
I’ve had a lot of support from my friends when my dog died. They understood how much I love my dog. That they are my family. That I would even put my dogs first before my friends. I’m not done grieving but I have a little peace knowing my dog was happy.
Looking at my dog’s photos sometimes gives me comfort. I’ve cried so much that I don’t know if I have any more tears to shed. I wouldn’t wish this pain on any pet owner. Love your pets and make time for them is my advice to all pet owners.
I just had to right down this and express how I feel.
Today has been a very hard day to get through. My dog is sick and I can’t do anything about it. My dad is working and I can’t drive so I can’t take my dog to the vet. I’ve noticed my dog brandy hasn’t been eating from thursday night. I’m without transport to take her to the vet and they are closed on sundays. I’m afraid monday might be to late. Sure she isn’t in a serious condition just yet but I am worried still. So you can imagine why I am so depressed.
I’m so stressed trying to figure out a way to get my dog to the vet. Even tried telling my niece to try and convince my sister to maybe take her. Anyway she lives a bit far. Now the vet is closed anyway. So basically I’ve failed in my attempts. All I can do now is wait till monday to go the vet.
I’m sure things will be ok and I tend to panic at times because I have anxiety. Just trying to keep it together I guess until monday. Besides my dogs are more then pets they my family.