Anxiety and depression comes back

Hi have you ever felt, when will this phase of our lives is gonna end.  My anxiety and depression got triggered recently and I don’t know why.  I couldn’t barely work or focus.  I want to stay in bed all the time.  Feeling extremely tired and lazy.

I honestly felt like committing suicide recently.  These feelings of what’s the point of living.  Because I don’t even know why I’m waking up in the morning.  A girl I went on a date with.  Pointed out that I lacked emotion.  She was right.  Its seems I’m having a hard time opening up and letting myself feel.  Guess after my dogs died.  I was so heart broken.  I closed my heart off subconsciously so i wouldn’t feel that way again.

Life is short I don’t want anxiety or depression to rob me of anymore time I have with everyone in my life. It’s true I’m scared of being left alone in this world.  Lately people have been dying and our family is getting smaller.  My parents getting older.  Guess thinking about these things makes me panic.  I maybe 31 but I’m a kid at heart I need my family.

I don’t know what to do but get high on antidepressants just so I can get through each day.

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My recent anxiety and depression relapse

Hi to my blogging family. You know it took me a while to write this post. I’ve been struggling. I’ve recently contracted the flu for about 2 weeks. I was so sick and weak that I stopped taking my antidepressants. I was just focusing on getting better from the flu. Well I did get better and slowly forgot about taking my antidepressants again. I’ve noticed how my anxiety and depression levels went up.

I couldn’t sleep. Everything was so loud, like everyone voices crowed in my head. My problems become more scarier. I become terrified of life. Thoughts of suicide crept into my head. Voices in my mind telling me : “I haven’t accomplished anything. You know not moving forward. Things are a lot harder for you than others.” I tried to shut these voices out but I couldn’t. My headaches where getting worst. My mind was all over the place. I’ve been really irritable lately. Even been ignoring people on instant messengers and social networks.

Its only been yesterday since I went back on my antidepressants. I feel calmer and less stressed out and not panicing for about every little thing before. To be honest I don’t want to use antidepressants but its the only thing for now that’s helping me stay calm. Maybe not 100% more like 70% but still it helps. Life isn’t easy for me I guess that’s why I have a lot of anxiety. This generally easy for others are 10 times harder for me. Guess its why I like to run away from my problems.

Before I got sick I was on the right track on getting my life right but this set back really put me back off my progress. Going have to start over now.

Wish my dog would live forever

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This has been a stressful week for me because my dog ‘Brandy’ is very sick. Not to long ago ,last year august 2014 I lost my other dog ‘king’ which was ‘Brandy’s’ son. King’s death broke me and drove me to take antidepressants.

Now im so stressed because we took Brandy to the vet and they gave her meds and she still not eating and was spewing. Im scared that the meds might not be working. I cant deal with the loss of yet another dog. Im scare. Sad. Wishing, hoping and praying she will get better.

My dogs has made my life so much better, when I was lonely and friends where busy I always had my dogs. But I am praying she gets better but if things turn for the worst I pray God will take her peacefully and not let her suffer.

What can I do but pray now! I love her. Only a real pet lover would understand this. I had to write down how I feel because this is eating me inside.

Finally started on some antidepressants

Hey its me sorry I haven’t been blogging for a while. It seems that depression had gotten the better of me. I have seeked help. My doctor has put me on a course of antidepressants. Its only been a few days I do feel calmer. I have to go see the doctor again this week to report how im feeling. Then his gonna recommend which hospital I can go for treatment and therapy.

I like to thank ‘Sadag’ which is the depression and anxiety helpline of south africa. They talked me into getting help instead of ending my life. Yeah its been very hard with the loss of my dog lately and me turning 30 soon and have achieved not much in my life which can make you feel quite worthless.

Anyway lets see how well treatment goes for my anxiety and depression. Who knows I might be writing about my success soon.