I’m frustrated with myself these days. I just can’t find a reason or the energy to be excited for anything. I don’t know what this means but it’s makes me mad. I want that feeling as a kid when you get a new toy or present. Like a playstation or new phone. Just something new to be excited for. This feeling what is it. Has anxiety and depression robbed me from happiness to.
Every day just feels like I’m just getting through each day waiting for the day il die and be put out of my misery. Guess after watching a video about entrepreneurship I’ve gotten discouraged and feel like there’s no way I can work for myself as a graphic designer. There’s no hope in this field of work. They are so many better designers than me. Who would be in their right mind to choose me to do their designs I feel.
When you get your hopes broken. It’s like having a miscarriage I’d imagine. Where that hope you have dies. I’m afraid like never before. Not only is my anxiety affecting my work ability but my relationship and social life to. So I feel trapped. The only thing I had to look forward to was meeting up with friends every Friday night but that came to an end to. I hate keeping all this negativity inside me it’s why i write posts like these to relieve myself a little.
If you can offer any advice. Don’t forget to comment.
I never knew the term what is going cold turkey till a friend told me. Anyway my mom and many religious people, Assume I’m an addict to my anxiety medication. So on the spur of the moment I decided to go off my anxiety meds for just over a week to prove to myself I’m not an addict.
Day1 : was okay didn’t think much of it.
Day2: things began to get complicated. Feeling such as fear and hopelessness have become magnified. I had trouble sleeping because I was terrified to falling asleep in case criminals broke in. Fear of never succeeding or getting a job was crazy like never before. By the middle of the week I felt like I was going out of my mind.
Come end of the week I already had 2 panic attacks and threw up. Feeling very sick and noxious.
Maybe I am not addicted but I am helpless with out it. I need to find my faith or some way to start loving my life again.
Hi I’m not sure if you ever watched one of those movies where! The parent tells their son of daughter. You can do anything I believe you can do it and I’ll support you in whatever you decide. Unfortunately in my case reality isn’t the same. I want to work hard and focus on becoming a successful graphic designer but to them it’s not important. When ever I’m designing anything I’m disturbed like a hundred times for little things. I loose my focus cause of my anxiety and it’s not easy to pick up where I left off. So I become so drained and stop designing.
Wish they would take my dreams seriously and my anxiety. Sometimes I feel so judged mentally wondering what they think of me and sometimes my anxiety exaggerates things. Support would mean the world but life isn’t like those movies. Honestly I’d give anything to have someone believe in me and constantly be there to encourage me. Guess I’m being selfish wanting a movie moment.
Don’t get me wrong my parents love me just that Hey have an old mentally because of their own up bringing. I love my parents to and wish the relationship could change to supportiveness instead of get any job and that’s life.
It’s been after 3 months that I’ve been back in therapy. Today’s session was good, productive even. Learning what’s causing my anxiety. It’s mostly my core beliefs, that my thoughts process when ever I do anything. It tells me I’m not smart enough or don’t have what it takes.
Also there’s been a lot of physical symptoms these few months. When I’m anxious I get this annoying cough. Also my stomach feels knotted. Thirdly I’m not sleeping at night. My mind is over thinking and analyzing my life. It seems now I need my to focus a lot on mindfulness my Psychologist suggests. Because I’m not living in the present moment because my anxiety is always trying to predict slash fear the future.
I have now an idea of what I must do. Today I’ve done something very stupid. I was joking with a friend and kinda hurt him in the processes. So Zak if you reading this I’m so sorry bro. I’m deeply sorry and promise nothing like that will ever happen again.
Lately I’ve been thinking of ways to raise a little money so I can work as a graphic designer from home without reporting to any boss. Cause of my anxiety disorder working for a boss and harsh work environments has been hard and embarrassing when you getting panic attacks on the job. Especially when you feel under pressure.
November 11th I turn 34 and still unemployed and need to do something with my life. Working at a company just hasn’t worked out as you just read. I’m kinda forced to turn to crowd funding here. I’m sure you noticed I hardly ever blog it’s because I have no money for data or Internet. So basically the money I wanna raise is so that I have money to pay for a decent Internet connection so I can do work online and even maybe make money from passive income as a graphic designer.
Of course none of that is gonna happen if I don’t have any money to go online. So I thought I’d write this post and see if it is a good idea to crowd fund or not.
Or if you would like to support me I want to raise a 100$ dollars. So comment or email me on my blog. Thank you for reading my Blog.
Hey its me and been thinking about the choices I’ve made and I remembered having a dream of becoming a successful graphic designer but by using free software. Sounds ridiculous right. I gave up on that dream some time ago and started to learn and use industry software and even though I know how to use industry design software well. I haven’t really improved as a designer. I wonder about why that is I guess.
So not long a go i found a guy online living the dream I dreamt of. He is using the free software I used to use and his successful and has an impressive portfolio. I was both jealous and inspired by him. This made me rethink what I was doing and maybe I should go back to the dream I had because I haven’t really improved using premium industry software.
Also I wanna make money by making a lot of stock graphics, because dealing with actual clients is a bit much for me cause of my anxiety disorder. Hey these are just thoughts I’m letting out. Whose knows if i will really continue with my original dream I’ve had. Anyway wish me luck just had to say what I was thinking.
These days I’m starting to feel so hopeless inside. God why do I have this anxiety disorder that’s ruining my life. I can’t work, I can’t date, I can’t do anything by myself without help. I can’t help but wonder if God is real. I feel trapped in like inside an hourglass watching the world and life pass me by as time run out.
I’m trying my best but it isn’t good enough. I’m not a good enough graphic designer yet. I’m not good enough to handle a job. Dating and being intimate overwhelms me it’s so embarrassing as an 33 old adult. Where did it all go wrong. So God where are you. What is the purpose of my life. Am i suppose to suffer through this anxiety disorder alone.
Lately I even stopped going to church. Just feel so drained and feel like church is a waste of time. Honestly it’s not what I believe just how I’m feeling these days. People say do things one step at a time but in the back of my mind my anxiety tells me and feels like I’m running out of time. So I’m in a constant panic to succeed in life quickly.
I don’t know if you ever asked yourself any of these questions. This isn’t something I wouldn’t discuss about with anyone it’s why I blog and offload my thoughts or I will go crazy. The truth is I want to believe in God and his plan that there is something better in store for me but it’d hard when the present is so difficult to live through everyday.