Tag Archives: blog

The gift of christmas

This time of year everyone has a lot going on. High expectations. This year I really began to think about the meaning of christmas. As a Christian I owed it to myself and God! The realised that hit me even though obvious to others. God came or was born into this word to give us hope.

I wasn’t sure if this christmas was gonna be worth celebrating. Since last years one was a bit depressing. So I didn’t think about that this time and allowed the day to play out. It turned out to be an awesome christmas with family. Spending the day together. Since we hardly often spend quality time together. For the first time I felt like I’ve let go and enjoyed being in the present moment with family and had a really good time. Why I say that because for someone like me with an anxiety disorder that is difficult.

I think I slept like a baby last night. Both physical and mentally christmas was fulfilling. Spending time with my sister and niece, and later brother and his children. I think that happiness effected me in a more positive way than I thought. My heart is so happy to had such a wonderful christmas.

I know this post is a day late but I want to wish you my blog family a very merry christmas.

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My Ideal life :)

Today I was reading a post from a blog I follow. The post mentioned what is the ideal life you want to live! The truth is! I’ve been so caught up in my own world of ‘anxiety and depression’ that I stopped thinking about the life I wanted!

So I took sometime to think about it and it wasn’t to hard to figure out. The life I want is to be a creative graphic designer. Meeting clients at coffee shops. Going to fancy offices having brain storming ideas with other creatives. Working out of a coffee shop with a laptop at times. Just having freedom of a life as graphic designer.

Yes there are ways of making money with graphic design online with stock graphics. For now I’ll do it cause I need the income but it isn’t my dream. Sometimes you have to ask the right questions in order discover what you want.

Guess reading someone else’s blog helped me discover what I want. Now I guess I have to work towards making it happen. Its been hard. I’ve given up more times than I can count but I have to keep on trying. Not only for myself but for others who maybe thinking of giving up on their dreams. I hope to be that inspiration so that they never give up.

Thank you for your support :)

Hi its me again and I have to say I am so grateful for the support I’ve been getting, from my followers, facebook etc. I never knew that I would get so much online support for my Anxiety/ADHD. Recently I’ve got a message on facebook. I don’t even know how she found my blog but she was kind enough to offer her time if I ever need someone to talk to about what I’ve been going through. Plus a friend on whatsapp and comments from you guys on my blog.

You encourage me and I hope I can do the same when I turn my life around become successful and beat this thing. You know today I was feeling depressed, lacking motivation and went through my blog and messages and was reminded to be positive and it cheered me up. Knowing I’m not alone anymore.

So I know this post was short but I needed to thank my supporters. You guys are amazing and I’ll still keep blogging even if it where 1 person reading my blog. I’d do it for them. Have a great day an awesome weekend to follow.

Not really my day off!

One of the few pleasures of being off on a week day is waking up late. Unfortunately that didn’t work out. I kind of had to look after my neighbours dog for a while in the morning not that I mind but today is exceptionally hot.

Still I have my own studies. I’m trying to improve as a graphic designer. Its seem print graphic design and digital are different worlds. I worked as a digital graphic designer like for ever and print is proving to be quite a challenge.

Also today wasn’t exactly my day off by choice. Work politics you can say but I do go back tomorrow.  You can say I miss being in the aircon when I’m at work because these days its ridiculously hot. Also miss my co-workers. I didn’t expect to get as close to them as I did. Because I’m social awkward or social anxiety issues you can say!

I’m glad I’m off today because I haven’t had the time to blog. As for the rest of my day I need to download the flash tvshow and catch up on empire season 2. See you when I see you my awesome readers 🙂

been to busy to blog! My apologies

Its been about 2 months since I’ve been officially working as a full time graphic designer for a client. Handling all his design needs. Work is good. A week ago my dads, sister! also known as my aunt. Passed away due to cancer. So its been kinda hectic at home with my dad depressed. Me busy all the time with work. Just didn’t have the energy to blog until today because I finished early and had some time to kill.

Anyway the thing that was really taking my time was. Learning to design for print. It seems there are big colour differences between digital and print. It took me this whole weekend to colour correct a work design for print because the digital copy wasn’t printing out very well but I’m glad I know the difference now.

Another reason why I haven’t been blogging is! I’m using a ‘diary app’ to write my thoughts. Things that I can’t say on a blog because of anyone I might know could read it. The app is called ‘better diary’ its pretty awesome. It looks like a blog post on the app every time you write thoughts down. It has moods and tags features. I just love it.

Again I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write a post and apologies for any typo’s.

No time to blog! Work keeping me busy

Hi friends and bloggers. I know its been a while. I just want to say surprisingly life is good. I’ve been keeping busy with a lot of graphic design work coming my way lately and I’m grateful for the opportunities. Also finally now that I’m working more I could afford buying a new phone. I had a old alcatel pixi 1 with the android gingerbread os but now bought the alcatel pixi 2 with android jelly bean 🙂 .

I’ve been through a lot in the last month. I honestly can say I’ve grown in a positive way. Sure I had some ups and downs with my design client but I somehow managed to pull through and meet my clients needs. It feels good to feel like I have a purpose. A reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Sure I’m dealing with my anxiety and depression issues still, but keeping busy helps not have time to be afraid or depressed I guess. Especially when you doing work that you love to do. I have been blessed in this month I thank God.

Well I’m glad I finally found some time to write a blog post. Finally free for the weekend no work. So gonna spend the weekend relaxing and catching up on tvshows and anime. Hope all of you have an awesome weekend too.

My recent anxiety and depression relapse

Hi to my blogging family. You know it took me a while to write this post. I’ve been struggling. I’ve recently contracted the flu for about 2 weeks. I was so sick and weak that I stopped taking my antidepressants. I was just focusing on getting better from the flu. Well I did get better and slowly forgot about taking my antidepressants again. I’ve noticed how my anxiety and depression levels went up.

I couldn’t sleep. Everything was so loud, like everyone voices crowed in my head. My problems become more scarier. I become terrified of life. Thoughts of suicide crept into my head. Voices in my mind telling me : “I haven’t accomplished anything. You know not moving forward. Things are a lot harder for you than others.” I tried to shut these voices out but I couldn’t. My headaches where getting worst. My mind was all over the place. I’ve been really irritable lately. Even been ignoring people on instant messengers and social networks.

Its only been yesterday since I went back on my antidepressants. I feel calmer and less stressed out and not panicing for about every little thing before. To be honest I don’t want to use antidepressants but its the only thing for now that’s helping me stay calm. Maybe not 100% more like 70% but still it helps. Life isn’t easy for me I guess that’s why I have a lot of anxiety. This generally easy for others are 10 times harder for me. Guess its why I like to run away from my problems.

Before I got sick I was on the right track on getting my life right but this set back really put me back off my progress. Going have to start over now.

Living outside anxiety

Today for the first time I feel better about myself. Ever since I started getting treatment for my anxiety the symptoms of it have become less and less. This allowing me to be more productive with my life and become a little more confident.

Im not saying im 100% better but I am saying I am getting better. I’ve already accomplished a goal now and its only been 1 month since I’ve been on medication for anxiety. Also im getting out more often. Basically feeling a lot better about life.

Finally it feels like I can live a normal life. Still I have a lot work to do but im getting there thanks to the support of my family and close friends.

Recovery and pills from anxiety

Hi to all my readers and followers, I’d like to thank you for supporting me through my dark times. I’ve got good news. Its been a hectic few couple of months trying to get help for my anxiety. Finally I’m being treated. The medication I’ve been getting so far seems to be helping. I mean I went for an engagement party this last weekend and I haven’t experienced any social anxiety symptoms. I was actually able to enjoy myself.

I feel calmer and more relaxed now. Sure there are some draw backs to the medication. Its feels like I’m high on drugs sometimes and a little sleepy at times but the doctor says it will pass after a week or two.

I would like to thank my friend zak who pushed me to get help. God knows I wanted to end my life because I felt like I had no control over my life. Some how God made a way, gave me strength and sent the right people in my life to help me. I just want to write this post to let my readers know I’m fine. Thank you for following my blog. You are appreciated. Have and awesome wednesday 🙂

If you have any questions about anxiety please feel free ask?

Friendships to remember! Going down memory lane

Today I’ve just been thinking a lot about friends who came and went from my life. When I moved here to newlands west durban (south africa) I was just entering my 1st year of high school. That was about 13 years ago. I didn’t know anyone. So I was kind of lost. My first friend I made here was! 2 of my neighbours daughters. Tanya and Tina they was sweet and I was shy.

I hardly spoke to them unless in school because they where girls and It wasn’t like I could just go and visit them. I was only 13 and fathers don’t want some guy hanging around their daughters even if its a neighbour. My 1st guy friend was a guy named kubeshen. He noticed we lived close by and noticed me walking to school everyday and decided to introduce himself. So we became friends.

Then later I met another friend who was in my class. A guy name renaldo. We wasn’t exactly friends at 1st. I don’t really know happen but one day during lunch break he gave me his school bag to hold and said to me his coming back just now but he never did. “Remember I didn’t really no him or speak with him back then.” He only came after lunch break for his bag I can’t even remember the excuse he told me. I remember I was so mad and I didn’t want to talk to him.

Eventually we did talk and realised we had stuff in common like a stupid sense of humour like in comedy. We liked mortal kombat, street fighter and megaman etc. We became close. Destiny may of had a hand in things because renaldo also lived close by my house.

So in the school holidays I’d hang out with my friends renaldo or kubeshan because they didn’t know each other until later on. When I hanged out with kubeshen he introduced me to some of his neighbours. Torino and lee. They to also became close friends. Then later I introduced renaldo to kubeshen and his neighbours and we all became bra’s (friends)

We had some crazy times hanging out. Doing stupid things. Back then we didn’t have cellphones or dvds so we would play cricket, pool, tops, marbles and play sega(gaming console) for fun.

As time when on in school was how I found my real friends. Renaldo was still my close friend and then later in grade 10 I met another guy friend in my class named oyeshan who also become my close friend. We wasn’t always so close until the last year of school. There was another friend I met moses from another class in my school and he now to is my close friend.

So basically in school lunch break I would hang out with my close friends moses, oyeshan and renaldo. We’d all hang out together. After school when I got home. I’d hang out with my 1st friends kubeshen, torino, lee and renaldo.

Finally when we finished school! Me, moses, oyeshan and renaldo began to hang out more and more and that’s how we became best friends over time.

Kubeshen and I was still friends but over time we drifted apart because he was always so negative. He didn’t believe in dreams so he would be kind of technical when we spoken about our dreams for our lives. So I didn’t cut him off completely just kept my distance. Now I don’t ever see him, but if I do see him somewhere we would just greet chat for a bit and part ways.

I have no regrets about that. I know who my real friends are. Moses, oyeshan and renaldo. They been through the good and bad times of my life. Its good to remember the journey. Peoples lives make for a good story. Also torino and lee moved to another city where they now live. So I haven’t seen them in like over 6 years.