The gift of christmas

This time of year everyone has a lot going on. High expectations. This year I really began to think about the meaning of christmas. As a Christian I owed it to myself and God! The realised that hit me even though obvious to others. God came or was born into this word to give us hope.

I wasn’t sure if this christmas was gonna be worth celebrating. Since last years one was a bit depressing. So I didn’t think about that this time and allowed the day to play out. It turned out to be an awesome christmas with family. Spending the day together. Since we hardly often spend quality time together. For the first time I felt like I’ve let go and enjoyed being in the present moment with family and had a really good time. Why I say that because for someone like me with an anxiety disorder that is difficult.

I think I slept like a baby last night. Both physical and mentally christmas was fulfilling. Spending time with my sister and niece, and later brother and his children. I think that happiness effected me in a more positive way than I thought. My heart is so happy to had such a wonderful christmas.

I know this post is a day late but I want to wish you my blog family a very merry christmas.

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My Ideal life :)

Today I was reading a post from a blog I follow. The post mentioned what is the ideal life you want to live! The truth is! I’ve been so caught up in my own world of ‘anxiety and depression’ that I stopped thinking about the life I wanted!

So I took sometime to think about it and it wasn’t to hard to figure out. The life I want is to be a creative graphic designer. Meeting clients at coffee shops. Going to fancy offices having brain storming ideas with other creatives. Working out of a coffee shop with a laptop at times. Just having freedom of a life as graphic designer.

Yes there are ways of making money with graphic design online with stock graphics. For now I’ll do it cause I need the income but it isn’t my dream. Sometimes you have to ask the right questions in order discover what you want.

Guess reading someone else’s blog helped me discover what I want. Now I guess I have to work towards making it happen. Its been hard. I’ve given up more times than I can count but I have to keep on trying. Not only for myself but for others who maybe thinking of giving up on their dreams. I hope to be that inspiration so that they never give up.

Thank you for your support :)

Hi its me again and I have to say I am so grateful for the support I’ve been getting, from my followers, facebook etc. I never knew that I would get so much online support for my Anxiety/ADHD. Recently I’ve got a message on facebook. I don’t even know how she found my blog but she was kind enough to offer her time if I ever need someone to talk to about what I’ve been going through. Plus a friend on whatsapp and comments from you guys on my blog.

You encourage me and I hope I can do the same when I turn my life around become successful and beat this thing. You know today I was feeling depressed, lacking motivation and went through my blog and messages and was reminded to be positive and it cheered me up. Knowing I’m not alone anymore.

So I know this post was short but I needed to thank my supporters. You guys are amazing and I’ll still keep blogging even if it where 1 person reading my blog. I’d do it for them. Have a great day an awesome weekend to follow.

Not really my day off!

One of the few pleasures of being off on a week day is waking up late. Unfortunately that didn’t work out. I kind of had to look after my neighbours dog for a while in the morning not that I mind but today is exceptionally hot.

Still I have my own studies. I’m trying to improve as a graphic designer. Its seem print graphic design and digital are different worlds. I worked as a digital graphic designer like for ever and print is proving to be quite a challenge.

Also today wasn’t exactly my day off by choice. Work politics you can say but I do go back tomorrow.  You can say I miss being in the aircon when I’m at work because these days its ridiculously hot. Also miss my co-workers. I didn’t expect to get as close to them as I did. Because I’m social awkward or social anxiety issues you can say!

I’m glad I’m off today because I haven’t had the time to blog. As for the rest of my day I need to download the flash tvshow and catch up on empire season 2. See you when I see you my awesome readers 🙂

been to busy to blog! My apologies

Its been about 2 months since I’ve been officially working as a full time graphic designer for a client. Handling all his design needs. Work is good. A week ago my dads, sister! also known as my aunt. Passed away due to cancer. So its been kinda hectic at home with my dad depressed. Me busy all the time with work. Just didn’t have the energy to blog until today because I finished early and had some time to kill.

Anyway the thing that was really taking my time was. Learning to design for print. It seems there are big colour differences between digital and print. It took me this whole weekend to colour correct a work design for print because the digital copy wasn’t printing out very well but I’m glad I know the difference now.

Another reason why I haven’t been blogging is! I’m using a ‘diary app’ to write my thoughts. Things that I can’t say on a blog because of anyone I might know could read it. The app is called ‘better diary’ its pretty awesome. It looks like a blog post on the app every time you write thoughts down. It has moods and tags features. I just love it.

Again I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write a post and apologies for any typo’s.

No time to blog! Work keeping me busy

Hi friends and bloggers. I know its been a while. I just want to say surprisingly life is good. I’ve been keeping busy with a lot of graphic design work coming my way lately and I’m grateful for the opportunities. Also finally now that I’m working more I could afford buying a new phone. I had a old alcatel pixi 1 with the android gingerbread os but now bought the alcatel pixi 2 with android jelly bean 🙂 .

I’ve been through a lot in the last month. I honestly can say I’ve grown in a positive way. Sure I had some ups and downs with my design client but I somehow managed to pull through and meet my clients needs. It feels good to feel like I have a purpose. A reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Sure I’m dealing with my anxiety and depression issues still, but keeping busy helps not have time to be afraid or depressed I guess. Especially when you doing work that you love to do. I have been blessed in this month I thank God.

Well I’m glad I finally found some time to write a blog post. Finally free for the weekend no work. So gonna spend the weekend relaxing and catching up on tvshows and anime. Hope all of you have an awesome weekend too.

My recent anxiety and depression relapse

Hi to my blogging family. You know it took me a while to write this post. I’ve been struggling. I’ve recently contracted the flu for about 2 weeks. I was so sick and weak that I stopped taking my antidepressants. I was just focusing on getting better from the flu. Well I did get better and slowly forgot about taking my antidepressants again. I’ve noticed how my anxiety and depression levels went up.

I couldn’t sleep. Everything was so loud, like everyone voices crowed in my head. My problems become more scarier. I become terrified of life. Thoughts of suicide crept into my head. Voices in my mind telling me : “I haven’t accomplished anything. You know not moving forward. Things are a lot harder for you than others.” I tried to shut these voices out but I couldn’t. My headaches where getting worst. My mind was all over the place. I’ve been really irritable lately. Even been ignoring people on instant messengers and social networks.

Its only been yesterday since I went back on my antidepressants. I feel calmer and less stressed out and not panicing for about every little thing before. To be honest I don’t want to use antidepressants but its the only thing for now that’s helping me stay calm. Maybe not 100% more like 70% but still it helps. Life isn’t easy for me I guess that’s why I have a lot of anxiety. This generally easy for others are 10 times harder for me. Guess its why I like to run away from my problems.

Before I got sick I was on the right track on getting my life right but this set back really put me back off my progress. Going have to start over now.