Afraid of the future

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Hi everyone I know it’s been a while. Recently I’ve finished with group therapy which was a new experience but I still prefer individual therapy. Also the psychologists are now closed for this year and will only startup in January again. To be honest in therapy I feel safe like everything gonna be okay but once I leave to go home everything becomes real again and I’m terrified again.

Right now my main concern now is my future. My current job has just ended and I’m living off my parents who aren’t working.  They only collect pension which isn’t even much.  If anything where to happen to any of them I’d be devastated both emotionally and financially.  With my anxiety is on over drive again. I don’t even know if I’ll be even able to hold down a job.

To be honest I feel guilty because remember when my dad was working he used to go to work everyday to a job he hated just to provide for me and my family. I can never be able to express to my dad how grateful I am for what his done for me. I want to be positive but reality tells me otherwise. I spend so much wondering what if this and what if that. 

That’s why I feel so guilty because I should be taking care of mom and dad,  not them taking care of me.  I still ask God this question! Why was I even born,  I can’t do anything with my life,  my anxiety makes me feel useless, clumsy and like can’t do anything right.

Also the news shows us how bad the economy is, how jobs are hard to come by. So that doesn’t exactly give me any hope. 

I’m scared I’m gonna be alone someday maybe even like a Berger, because how much can you rely on family and you don’t want to burden anyone either.  Life is also so expensive.  So yes I’m terrified my future is so uncertain.  I’m writing this post openly and honestly so you know how I’m really feeling. 

To be honest I don’t wanna be poor but I want to be successful not for fame or money but so I can use my influence and power to help people.  Guess fear keeps me up at night telling me why it’s never gonna happen.

So lately I’ve began praying to God about my anxiety,  for my family and life in general.  That God will guide us.  Right now God is my only hope.  Sometimes you just have to believe in that higher power.  As a Christian I don’t have much faith because of my anxiety. But despite it I still do my best to try to be faithful. So why has this post gotten religious all of a sudden you maybe thinking.  Well like I said earlier I’m terrified of what might happen in my future. Trusting in God gives me some kind of peace knowing his in control.

Anyway thank you for reading my blog.  I never intended it to become about anxiety or mental health but it seems that’s where my life is at these days.

Thank you for your support :)

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Hi its me again and I have to say I am so grateful for the support I’ve been getting, from my followers, facebook etc. I never knew that I would get so much online support for my Anxiety/ADHD. Recently I’ve got a message on facebook. I don’t even know how she found my blog but she was kind enough to offer her time if I ever need someone to talk to about what I’ve been going through. Plus a friend on whatsapp and comments from you guys on my blog.

You encourage me and I hope I can do the same when I turn my life around become successful and beat this thing. You know today I was feeling depressed, lacking motivation and went through my blog and messages and was reminded to be positive and it cheered me up. Knowing I’m not alone anymore.

So I know this post was short but I needed to thank my supporters. You guys are amazing and I’ll still keep blogging even if it where 1 person reading my blog. I’d do it for them. Have a great day an awesome weekend to follow.

It feels like betrayal! If I did get a new dog!

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Lately I’ve been lonely. Got out of a relationship that didn’t last because she didn’t no time for me, but time for strangers to tweet all day. I wasn’t never this lonely. When my dogs was alive they would keep me company. They made me happy and was my reason for living. After they passed away, I feel like an empty shell going from 1 day to another. People say I should consider getting another dog!

I’ve also considered that possibility, but it just feels wrong to me to replace my previous dogs with a new one. My dogs ‘Brandy and King’ where unique. They understood me. They personality made them who they where. Most of all losing them was the hardest part so even if I did get another dog. I can’t go through that again. Losing something I love. It almost killed me the last time with depression and anxiety.

Still I miss having a dog to love and being loved. I guess the thing I miss the most is after having supper I’d go outside and play with them till they satisfied or sometimes I’d take them for a walk.

There’s no replacement for the dogs I had but for now my neighbour has a cute pitbull dog that I play with all the time. Its not the same as having my own dog but it helps sometimes when I’m lonely.

Can’t believe I inspired an anxiety support group on #googleplus

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Hi my name is Vishal and I suffer from anxiety. Like many others out there. I was seeking help online through social networks about anxiety. In my searches I realised that there wasn’t much support out there for people suffering from anxiety. Sure there are websites and stuff out there, but they usually want you to buy their book or something!

I was looking for place! No a group/community where people with anxiety could engage and share with one another they true feeling and know they are not alone. Not to long a go I started using google plus a lot. I’ve made some good friends there. A shout to Samuel Vain who inspired me to write this post.

So I’ve been searching through googleplus! Hashtag #anxiety and found a women named Sarah talking about how she used to have anxiety. So I commented and gave a small speech about how there needs to be a group for people who suffer from anxiety.

Little did I know my speech would spark a movement. I think Sarah or my friend Samuel created such a group now. Only late last week did I find out about this group when I wrote a post on googleplus about how I had anxiety that week. Then my friend Samuel told me! Have you forgotten there is such a group for anxiety! One that you helped inspired and was created for people like us.

I never imagined I would inspire such an act! An anxiety support group. I just joined the group recently. Sadly the group page doesn’t work on your mobile if you got a blackberry like me or using operamini. It does work on android and desktop devices though. If you interested in joining this anxiety support group add me googleplus www.gplus.to/vishal4nw

Where are you god when we need you!

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Today I decided to redo my cv(resume) which americans call resume. Unfortunately I have to put my dreams on hold. Money is tight and I don’t even think we have enough money to pay this months light bill. So who knows when they gonna come cut it.

Well things have been hard since my dad isn’t working over time and they barely have enough work. So his not even working his full hours. So we getting less money and can’t afford to met up the bills.

Sadly we might be forced to sell the house and car eventually to do something to survive. I love my dreams but I love my family more. Sadly its not just us that struggling it seems neighbours and friends are going through the same thing because of this screwed up economy and government.

To be honest it feels like god has forsaken us. Like our praying are not being answered. I’m trying to be positive but its hard when nothing is working out and things are getting worst. Well I haven’t given up yet. So if you can please pray for my family I could use all the help I can get.

Just so stressed out with life and need advice?

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These days I have so much on my mind. I’m not one to wake up early in the morning but I am everyday now. My sleep breaks. Guess I’m just worried. Lately one bad situation after another. I’m not sure how much I can take.

1st my dog got sick, financial problems, my mom is sick and some other family problems. I can’t take it. Everyday it takes everything for me not to have a panic attack. I’m constantly fighting my own mind. Wondering when will this end and when will things get better.

I don’t mean to be negative on my blog, but I’m wondering if there’s any hope. People are so discouraging. The news is even worst. People saying how bad the economy is and you’ll never get a job.

These things have been driving my anxiety into over drive. I can’t think or eat properly. I’m expecting the worst sometimes. I’m just so afraid. Unsure of what to do. I’ve been praying hoping God will answer my prayers. My chest is so tight as I’m writing this blog post because I’m terrify of tomorrow and the day after that will hold.

Dose of reality hits me

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Where do I start! This morning my sleep broke, my head hot and sweaty. I had a nightmare. Imagine all your insecurities and fears coming to reality. I can’t believe something like this has happen, just when I started getting my life in order. This nightmare put so much fear in me that I’m starting to think that my dreams are a waste of time.

My family thinks so. All I ever wanted was their respect to see me more than just a failure. I may believe I’m a success but until I prove to people otherwise I’m nothing. This nightmare gave me a hash dose of reality. I can’t think clearly or focus. I don’t know want to do. My confidence is shaken. I feel like a nervous wreck.

Feels like all my progress was for nothing because my nightmare felt so real. Also it showed me that I would be alone no family no friends and how I would mess up my life. It was so terrifying my sleep broke at 3am in the morning. To be honest I’m feeling kind of confused about what I should do. I’m writing this post to express how I feel and so I can heal.

I apologise for this depressing post. I am just as surprised that I am feeling this way.