Life isn’t so easy when you trying to aim for your dreams. Lately I’ve been overwhelmed and doubting myself. Why? Over 5 years ago I got into graphic design using free software ‘gimp and inkscape’ but as of lately I’ve been working in the print design industry and I have to use photoshop and illustrator. This means its like starting from scratch learning new software and how this industry works.
Its bad enough I have anxiety but now I can’t sleep. All I’m thinking about is when will I’ll been done learning this software. I’m anxious everyday. Its eating me up. I’ve even given thought to giving up on graphic design.
Sure I’m working now but my job might soon come to an end. Sure its a great job but I always wanted to be my own boss someday. Sure it sounds great in theory but its easier said than done. I still haven’t settled on a design for my own business cards. I haven’t had the courage yet to call or make any communication with any printing company that I might use in the future to print my clients designs.
It feels like a pipe dream, I’m 31 and Starting over in graphic design, Which makes me a beginner again. So do I even stand a chance? To start my own business. Its killing me all these choices. If only I had someone to talk to. Someone to help me in my field. That would be amazing but life isn’t that easy right. I don’t have the connections or the resources.
Do I give up or keep trying….! Guess we will see in time.
Lately apart from my job as a graphic designer. I wanted to slowly build my own client base and work from home. Be my own boss. I’ve already started putting things together. My website I’m working on, business cards etc. Recently one of these days this strange feeling just hit me. The reality of what I’m doing. This feeling of doubt came over me. Like? Are you really going to start your own business. Thoughts like no way you can do it.
Lately I’ve been struggling with my design skills. It seems it doesn’t matter how well you know a piece of software. If you aren’t motivated or feeling creative enough you cant get the job done which has been my problem lately. I have a new design project coming up. Its a simple job but still I doubt my skills. Feeling anxious just thinking about it, wishing to fast forward to when it will be over. Guess because I have anxiety is why I feel the way I do. I decided to get back to basics so I can build some confidence and also to remember why I loved graphic design because there are times when I feel like I hate it. I dont know if other graphic designers feel this way. Still despite these challenges I want be the best graphic designer I can be.
When you hear yourself say I’m having a mid life crisis you know you getting old fast. I’m having a hard time accepting this. I feel like I’m still 23 years old when I’m actually turning 29 in november. Getting old sucks means dating older women like from 24 to 30 years old. I prefer women from 19 to 24 years because they have less expectations and not looking to settle down or something serious.
I’m still not sure what a mid life crisis is but i guess it comes with age. Maybe it means more responsibility. I think it hit me first when I first realised I was getting a little bald but otherwise its because I’m trying to find out who I am. Finding myself may sound corny or something you would hear in a movie. Never the less its truth. I’m not sure who I am because how my life has turned out. I thought by now I’d have some kind of success even if its small.
Now that I am turning 29 soon with no success in my life, no relationship makes you think and doubt ones self. Maybe this is just a monday blue moment. Who knows. Regardless tomorrow I’m seeking help and hope things go well. I do feel younger than I am just wish I was but life isn’t over yet just a new chapter. Maybe my 30’s my be moment I strike success but I’m hoping to do it before I hit 30.