Hey its me sorry for the late post. Its been a hectic past 2 weeks with work and my birthday. Oh yeah I turned 32 on the 11th november. I don’t feel any older though. Work been crazy I think I pull off the impossible there meeting deadlines. Anyway lately I’ve been yearning for human contact! Ever since I been going for therapy and group therapy. I feel like I re integrated myself back into the real world. Because before my social anxiety was very bad and thanks to therapy. I feel more confidence being around people.
The problem now is? There isn’t any people around to socialise with or go out with. My friends are to busy with their own lives which I get. Also everything is instant messengers and social media when it comes to conversations with friends, so we don’t have to meet. That part sucks the most. Yes social media and IM+ where cool when they first came out. Now they just limit more human contact. This frustrates me and makes me feel lonely.
I can’t remember the last time I went out or saw a movie with friends or family. Mostly me and my friends download movies and series and just watch them but ourselves. Yes again life is starting to feel kinda lonely. I know most people would say get a girl friend but I don’t think one person gonna solve my yearning for socialising. Lucky though I have group therapy for the next 2 weeks. So hopefully things will get better from there.
Today as I woke up listening to a song. I became quite emotional. Basically I started to feel lonely. As the days, months and years are going by I’m seeing friends and family less and lesser. I can’t describe this feeling of loneliness. It makes me feel sick and empty at times.
I wish i could turn back time. The days when life was less complicated. No responsibilities. Just going out and having fun. Unfortunately we can’t go back to those days. Friends have kids others getting engaged. Their lives are busy. I’m happy for them, they my friend. I just miss them.
As for family. My brother can’t visit us his wife hates our family and won’t let him visit us. My sister lives a bit far off so I see her at church or special occasions like birthdays etc. Still even when we do get together the family! We couldn’t be further apart. Everyone’s on their phones chatting to someone else. That’s why I miss my dogs so much because when nobody was around they was always there for me. Now that they gone I’m still heart broken over it. What must I do life must go on.
The worst part of my life I’m the single guy in bunch of friends. Haven’t been in love since high school. How lame is that. I just think with age comes loneliness. Guess I was feeling more lonely that I realized writing this post.
My apologies I haven’t blogged in a while. Just been going through a lot of stuff lately. Anyway last night I attended a wedding function in my road and met alot of old friends from my school days.
Its seems I didn’t have much on common with them and ran out of things to say! Its true that my communication skills sucks but those where friends I used to spend time and talk for hours with. Now I cant even go 5 minutes without running out of things to say!
Maybe I out grown them but still I feel kinda bad that I couldn’t relate to them like I used to. Well now that im back! I will be blogging more frequently. Since many of my readers and bloggers have been there for me when my dogs had passed away and I thank you for you’ll condolences. Have a great weekend everyone.
Firstly if you thinking this post title is about sex posts or anything related you figured wrong. Lately my blog posts I’ve been limiting and restricting the post about my family and myself. Its seems people who shouldn’t be reading my blog like certain neighbours or family members are stumbling upon my blog posts!
How they finding my blog I have no idea! Now the place I thought I was free to express my thoughts and be myself is no longer a safe heaven. I’m sure you noticed how little I’ve been blogging because I’m afraid to share what I’m really thinking, feeling and experience in my life because of who might read it.
Maybe this restriction will help me become a better writer. Who knows but I still make many typo’s mistakes. Still I love to blog regardless of good or bad posts.
The past weekend after meeting up with friends. We was discussing how we was getting old and how some of us are still single and may need to settle down. My one friend said yeah we have to get a girlfriends now because we getting old and can’t control our sexual urges forever. At the time I thought what non sense.
Later that week when feeling kinda turned on and aroused. That thought of what my friend said popped in my head making me think maybe his right. Cause a guy getting aroused can be a lot to bare and masturbation guys don’t like to resort to unless truly desperate.
I mean guys will never admit it among friends even if they do masturbate. Maybe out of pride or embarrassment. Still having a girl friend would make it easier but the problem is! We also have values as christians, not to have sex before marriage. Unfortunately i did break those values and made wrong choices.
Its true my urges get the better of me sometimes. The questions I’m struggling with now is what do I do about it. If I resort to masturbation that leaves me lonely and dissatisfied and wanting more. If I had a girlfriend I’d have someone I’m happy with and could have sex with to. Hopefully it wouldn’t feel like I’m using her for sex only. Cause I just want a relationship that includes sex. Don’t judge me I’m just sharing my thoughts that’s all.
I’m sure if any of my friends read this might rip and laugh about it. Hell I’ll laugh with them about it, but its a topic that needed to be spoken about. Still finding that right girl might take while.
Waking up to monday is like waking up from an amazing dream you wished never ended. Now that today has come I feel the stress of reality thinking about looking for a job or getting clients for my freelance graphic design.
I felt like heaven this weekend. Going to the pool, having a braai, going to the cinema and just spending time with my friends. Its like nothing else mattered in that moment. No stress, no problems. Today I wake up and the weekend feels like it was a fantasy like something I just dreamt. Maybe its just me over reacting but life scares me cause I have anxiety which leds me to blow things out of proportion.
Also I’m thinking to much about what I’m gonna do, instead of just doing it. All advice is welcome. Just avoiding stress in the mean time while figure things out I guess.