My Ideal life :)

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Today I was reading a post from a blog I follow. The post mentioned what is the ideal life you want to live! The truth is! I’ve been so caught up in my own world of ‘anxiety and depression’ that I stopped thinking about the life I wanted!

So I took sometime to think about it and it wasn’t to hard to figure out. The life I want is to be a creative graphic designer. Meeting clients at coffee shops. Going to fancy offices having brain storming ideas with other creatives. Working out of a coffee shop with a laptop at times. Just having freedom of a life as graphic designer.

Yes there are ways of making money with graphic design online with stock graphics. For now I’ll do it cause I need the income but it isn’t my dream. Sometimes you have to ask the right questions in order discover what you want.

Guess reading someone else’s blog helped me discover what I want. Now I guess I have to work towards making it happen. Its been hard. I’ve given up more times than I can count but I have to keep on trying. Not only for myself but for others who maybe thinking of giving up on their dreams. I hope to be that inspiration so that they never give up.

I have ADHD? I feel stupid…

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Yesterday morning you won’t believe the mental break down I had! Why? ADHD happen! Been having trouble sleeping and my job as a graphic designer is stressing me out. My mind won’t work, can’t think of ideas, its like my brain is blank and I’m slow to learn anything. I feel rather dumb at times.

Yes its embarrassing for me to say that but I’m struggling to the point I want to give up on life! Because If I can’t do anything and my brain
can’t think. How am I suppose to live. I’m always anxious. Anxiety is killing me to. How does one live with this. I’m an emotional wreck. I had to write this and get it off my chest. We hide the truth so often about ourselves. Sometimes people need to know how hard it is to live with ADHD. We are not stupid. Just challenged.

Yesterday when I wrote more or less what I’ve said here on an ADHD facebook page. Therese Whitton is someone who comment and really inspired me by what she said her words I’d never forget. I made me want to believe myself

I quote and she said : I’m a graphic designer too and I know the feeling! At my previous job I was the only designer without a degree, and I was still learning every day. Constant anxiety and
depression spirals, crying in the bathroom, insomnia, snapped at coworkers, got reprimanded for facebooking…

it was a nightmare. Looking back I learnt a LOT during those few hellish years… an additional
programming language, getting comfortable with indesign and illustrator, how to delegate,
working in a team, and so much more. Each day of struggle and steep learning curves are going
to pay off a lot if you keep at it!

I ALWAYS felt like my mind was blank, but here’s the secret to design: no-one is completely original, EVERYONE gets ideas from
other people. Google examples, google design blogs, doodle on paper first, experiment.
Create a document with styles and colours thrown on just to test a look and feel (a style). Create mockups to test what the final product will look like. I now work freelance and so does my sister. She’s three years younger than me, and I’m still learning things from her. She has worked in more agency environments, somehow I always end up working for car parts companies!

You’ll be fine! The job stress can be SO tough, but you will grow more comfortable in time, always try to find an exciting angle, try to find the fun side…
Hope this helps a little.

After reading this I cried, not ever has anyone understood what I’m going through but Therese Whitton did. I was so blessed when she shared her advice. It gave me hope again.

Maybe its time to quit graphic design or continue

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Today I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and career. I love graphic design but is loving it enough. Its not like I make any money from my designs. Its more or less a hobby at moment. I just feel like calling it quits. I’m not even sure anyone likes my designs or they would of liked my facebook page more.

Anyway I’d be doing myself a favour to quit now. Like my mom always says! What are you doing with your life and I’d tell her the same answer to the same question every year “that I’m working towards making my business.”

Yeah some business I got with no clients or made any effort to get clients, because I’m afraid I’d fail them or not get their designs right and I’ll look like an idiot. Let’s not forget I’ll still fighting against anxiety which makes things worse for me.

Maybe keeping graphic design as a hobby is a safer bet. At least that way I’d still love graphic design without the fear of letting clients down. Still I could design for hours that’s how much I love graphic design but I guess I’m just trying to be realistic. Maybe someone like me without degrees and qualifications isn’t meant to succeed. Sometimes dreams just don’t come true.

I know I sound like I’m making excuses for myself but I don’t know what else to do.

Taking my graphic designs skills online

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There comes a point in a persons career when you ask yourself what am I doing wrong if you not getting results. Its been 3 years. I’ve doing graphic design for fun. Designed some posters for churches and favours for friends. Still I love what I do but its getting me nowhere. Freelance work is hard to come by and even when you do get freelance work you don’t make enough money.

It came to my attention that I should work as a graphic designer online. My friend Zak Suggested this to me and also was listening to one of pat Flynn’s podcast that suggested the same thing.

I’m don’t really know how exactly but from what my friend told me so far. Websites like stockexchange and istock will sell my designs and take a small percentage. Unfortunately it isn’t a get rich quick scheme. Its takes a lot of time and effort to make it work. Still its works because while I do my freelance work from home. In my spare time I can use sites like istock and stockexchang to promote and sell my designs online.

Still I have no idea what I’m doing. So sunday I’m gonna meet up with my friend, have a master mind meeting and let him explain to me how exactly to go about things since his making money online. Its still a struggle for me since I don’t have internet or wifi. Everything online I do so far “like my blogging” is done from my phone.

I also launched my design brand flamingfoxgraphics recently and created the facebook page. Also sharing some of my designs on my facebook page and getting the word out there. I haven’t made that much of an impact on facebook or potential local clients. So I’m gonna give selling my designs online a shot and see what happens. Also anyone who can advise me. Give me any possible advice would be greatly appreciated thank you.

I am looking forward in trying a new direction. Its time for a change. I always wanted to embrace the online economy but always afraid to take that risk.

I couldn’t be ordinary even if I tried!

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Ordinary to me is to be controlled by the rules people set on you or to tell you what is and what’s not possible. That life is meant to be lived in a certain way. Ordinary! Where’s the fun In that. I’ve tried being ordinary. Worked at a job I hated, letting family and friends decide what career I should do? It didn’t work because I’m not ordinary. I’ve always known there was something special inside me. Something I could never explain but felt. All I knew there was more to life then waking up, working, eating, sleeping and repeating the cycle.

Yes you may see me as a failure or even a loser right now. Me! I don’t see that. Yes its true I had a lot of failure in my life but without it! I wouldn’t of learnt how to be, a writer, actor, blogger, graphic designer, website designer and learnt marketing via social media. Maybe the path in life I’ve chosen isn’t logical but it made life worth living and exciting. Even if I died tomorrow without my dreams accomplished, I know I tried and lived doing so.

I’m not saying that everyone else is ordinary. Its just that they don’t allow themselves the freedom to explore who they really are! If you wanted to be a ship captain or a pilot but instead you working in sales. You denying yourself the experience and purpose that money can never buy. A fulfilled life.

The truth be told if I had gotten a good job with good pay straight after finishing school. I’d probably work there for the rest of my life and never try anything new. My dream is to work for myself. Be my own boss. Work my own hours. I’m not there yet but I’m working on it. I’m a freelance graphic designer at the moment and working on my own design brand.

Its not that I don’t want to work a 9 to 5 job. Its because I can’t right now. Sure I have sever anxiety that freaks me out now and then but the only thing I can do right and succeed in is, working for myself. Maybe my freelance graphic design will turn into a business over time. Ordinary isn’t for me. I tried. I hated it. Now moving on.