The gift of christmas

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This time of year everyone has a lot going on. High expectations. This year I really began to think about the meaning of christmas. As a Christian I owed it to myself and God! The realised that hit me even though obvious to others. God came or was born into this word to give us hope.

I wasn’t sure if this christmas was gonna be worth celebrating. Since last years one was a bit depressing. So I didn’t think about that this time and allowed the day to play out. It turned out to be an awesome christmas with family. Spending the day together. Since we hardly often spend quality time together. For the first time I felt like I’ve let go and enjoyed being in the present moment with family and had a really good time. Why I say that because for someone like me with an anxiety disorder that is difficult.

I think I slept like a baby last night. Both physical and mentally christmas was fulfilling. Spending time with my sister and niece, and later brother and his children. I think that happiness effected me in a more positive way than I thought. My heart is so happy to had such a wonderful christmas.

I know this post is a day late but I want to wish you my blog family a very merry christmas.

Feeling emotionless

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Hi if been wondering where i am. I’m proud to say life is good. Been busy at work. Doing a job i love. I have a new phone i always wanted. Awesome friends and family that supports me but!

I can’t explain this feeling of numbness. Like i feel no emotions at times. I should be happy life is going great but for some reason I’m not feeling the way i should.

Sometimes i wonder what’s the point, working, success. Guess after my dogs died it affected me more than i knew. There’s a hole in my heart i cannot fill. Even relationships with people can’t seem to fill that void in my life. What’s wrong with me that i feel this way. God has blessed me so much. Still i do not know happiness. Maybe I’m going insane. But this is how i feel.

Happiness for a moment

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Yesterday I discovered something. My life feels empty. Lonely. Since my dogs passed away. I feel something is missing. Still yesterday I was happy for a moment. My brother visited and my nieces came over to. They always so excited when they visit my home. Yesterday my nieces wanted me to load some games on their tablets. You know their excitement, their energy it was infectious.

I was happy. They don’t look at me like other people do. The unemployed, the failure. They just have unconditional love for me. Just as my dogs gave me. So yesterday for a brief moment I was happy. They might be hope after all. Something worth salvaging in my life.

I also feel that way when I’m with my close friends. In that moment I’m with them nothing else matters. Life without people to share it with is pointless. Even with all the money in the world you’d be lonely. Despite what I’m going through in my life. My anxiety, depression, failures, loss. These things gave me a new appreciation for the people in my life and holding on to the moments that matter.

Hustle till it hurts! Life’s hard

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The truth be told I never knew what it meant to hustle! I always taught hustle meant struggle forever. My life right now is hard financially and personally. No luck with finding a job or boosting my freelance career yet! Today I was so frustrated trying to out think or find away to make money. I began to panic because I need money to help my family. Anxiety got me too. When I’m down and depressed I always like to read about success stories of how people from poverty achieve success.

After reading a few success blogs I finally understood what it meant to hustle. You simply have to do everything in your power. Consider every option and make what you have work in your favour. So if you really think about it people who hustle are creative. Smart even! I still may not know what to do but I do feel more confident now that I will. To hustle sometimes means doing something you wouldn’t normally do. Sometimes our strengths isn’t in what we know but rather what we learn in risks we take.

I have to hustle my ass off everyday. Learning skills and looking for ways to improve so someone can hire me for a job. Just because I’m unemployed doesn’t mean I can do nothing. Truth be told I’m not even sure that anyone will hire me because I have a useless cv/resume with no experience. What makes it worst I failed high school didn’t pass the last year. What’s my point here. I didn’t give up. I hustle.

I’m sorry if this isn’t as motivational as I hoped. All I know is other than myself people are suffering because of unemployment. If we had more freelancer’s and self employed companies it would help change that. You could be that change. Things might be bad but I’m saying don’t give up! Hustle. Others have succeeded why not you.

Personal_note: To hustle doesn’t mean you weak. Its means smart enough to keep trying 🙂

Finally done with my bucket list!

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Image by www.katierunsthis.com

OMG! It’s April already you know what that means. No not april fools. It means quarter of the year is already over. This makes you think doesn’t it! What have you done for the last 3 months. What if you die tomorrow. Would you be happy knowing that there was so many things you could of done to make your life more worth while. That’s why I decided to write a bucket list. Life’s to short for regret. I may not complete my entire list but at least I’d die trying.

MY BUCKET LIST

1. Write an ebook

2. Create an online brand and school to teach graphic design

3. Visit new york city

4. Become successful in the field or niche I’m currently doing

5. Be featured on pat flynn’s smart passive income podcast someday

6. Learn to speak a foreign language

7. Win an award

8. To be able to speak publicly with confidence and motivate others

9. To meet a celebrity local or international, over coffee or dinner

10. Finally I want a beautiful girl friend who shares my interests, must be a little nerdy, have sexy legs and look good with glasses

Its so important to have a bucket list. The list is there to remind you of how much fun life can be or would you just rather go on with your life paying the bills. Eating and sleeping. Doing the same thing over and over. Don’t die with regret. Make the list and attempt the easiest on your list and work your way to the hardest. Like I said before even if I don’t complete my list I rather die trying. My goal this year is to at least complete one item on my bucket list. Completing one item is better than doing nothing.

My favorite item on my bucket list is learning a foreign language. That seems kinda fun. French is my first language of choice I’d like to learn. A close second would be japanese since I like anime. French is meant to seduce girls besides it sounds kinda sexy.

Number 7 on my list is really important to me. I’ve never won anything in my life not even a competition. I plan on working hard so someday so I will be awarded for that hard work. I don’t want an award so that people can acknowledge me but rather as a reminder that this isn’t a dream and I actually did it.

Personal_note: life’s to short for regret. So I’d hope after reading this post you would consider making your own bucket list and live life to the fullest.