Tag Archives: life

Overwhelming choices

Life isn’t so easy when you trying to aim for your dreams. Lately I’ve been overwhelmed and doubting myself. Why? Over 5 years ago I got into graphic design using free software ‘gimp and inkscape’ but as of lately I’ve been working in the print design industry and I have to use photoshop and illustrator. This means its like starting from scratch learning new software and how this industry works.

Its bad enough I have anxiety but now I can’t sleep. All I’m thinking about is when will I’ll been done learning this software. I’m anxious everyday. Its eating me up. I’ve even given thought to giving up on graphic design.

Sure I’m working now but my job might soon come to an end. Sure its a great job but I always wanted to be my own boss someday. Sure it sounds great in theory but its easier said than done. I still haven’t settled on a design for my own business cards. I haven’t had the courage yet to call or make any communication with any printing company that I might use in the future to print my clients designs.

It feels like a pipe dream, I’m 31 and Starting over in graphic design, Which makes me a beginner again. So do I even stand a chance? To start my own business. Its killing me all these choices. If only I had someone to talk to. Someone to help me in my field. That would be amazing but life isn’t that easy right. I don’t have the connections or the resources.

Do I give up or keep trying….! Guess we will see in time.

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It isn’t Christmas with out the grinch

Hi merry Christmas I know I’m kinda late wishing you my blogging family.  We’ll as my title says it isn’t Christmas with out a grinch trying to steal Christmas or ruin it.  In this chase my sister in law.

When it comes to birthdays,  celebrations or Christmas she always makes problems for my family.  She doesn’t even send my nieces to visit.  She really does hate us. I don’t really want to get into the details of what happened on Christmas but I am disheartened to see how my sister in law treats my brother so badly.  Sure he has his faults but what she’s doing is just plain evil.

When my sister in law makes problems she always phone my home and swears who ever answers the phone.  My brother can’t even visit us without her causing a scene. All I can say the grinch did steal Christmas for my family this year 😦

It feels like betrayal! If I did get a new dog!

Lately I’ve been lonely. Got out of a relationship that didn’t last because she didn’t no time for me, but time for strangers to tweet all day. I wasn’t never this lonely. When my dogs was alive they would keep me company. They made me happy and was my reason for living. After they passed away, I feel like an empty shell going from 1 day to another. People say I should consider getting another dog!

I’ve also considered that possibility, but it just feels wrong to me to replace my previous dogs with a new one. My dogs ‘Brandy and King’ where unique. They understood me. They personality made them who they where. Most of all losing them was the hardest part so even if I did get another dog. I can’t go through that again. Losing something I love. It almost killed me the last time with depression and anxiety.

Still I miss having a dog to love and being loved. I guess the thing I miss the most is after having supper I’d go outside and play with them till they satisfied or sometimes I’d take them for a walk.

There’s no replacement for the dogs I had but for now my neighbour has a cute pitbull dog that I play with all the time. Its not the same as having my own dog but it helps sometimes when I’m lonely.

I dont know how to be christain but I know how to believe in God

I’ve been thinking lately ever since my aunt died a week ago. That I should get closer to God. Who knows when what will happen and I don’t want it to be to late. The thing is! In terms of religion I’m a Christian but honestly, I don’t know how be exactly that. I see people in church they like super holy. It seems weird.

I pray to God and help where I can, but I can’t be like the people in church. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean everyone. Just mean some people who over do it with religion.

Plus in church there are different circles. Rich interacts and makes friendships with other rich people and poor for the poor. Just doesn’t seem very christian like. That’s why it confuses me what it is to be christian, How does one truly be that.

Guess I’ll stick to the bible when it comes to God, because with people even pastors! You never know what to expect. No one is perfect. I don’t to intend to be perfect but live my life the best way I can to best understanding of God’s word in the bible I guess. Maybe others with disagree with me.

been to busy to blog! My apologies

Its been about 2 months since I’ve been officially working as a full time graphic designer for a client. Handling all his design needs. Work is good. A week ago my dads, sister! also known as my aunt. Passed away due to cancer. So its been kinda hectic at home with my dad depressed. Me busy all the time with work. Just didn’t have the energy to blog until today because I finished early and had some time to kill.

Anyway the thing that was really taking my time was. Learning to design for print. It seems there are big colour differences between digital and print. It took me this whole weekend to colour correct a work design for print because the digital copy wasn’t printing out very well but I’m glad I know the difference now.

Another reason why I haven’t been blogging is! I’m using a ‘diary app’ to write my thoughts. Things that I can’t say on a blog because of anyone I might know could read it. The app is called ‘better diary’ its pretty awesome. It looks like a blog post on the app every time you write thoughts down. It has moods and tags features. I just love it.

Again I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write a post and apologies for any typo’s.

My graphic design error! digital to print

As a graphic designer in the real world it’s a lot more different. I’ve been so used to designing for digital, but now that I’ve gotten a job where i have to design for print. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I haven’t accounted for bleed and dpi.

Still I’m glad I’ve made these mistakes. I’ve learnt a lot since I started this job. I’m slowly easing into the designing for print. Well after viewing some tutorials and reading some design for print blogs I believe I’m up to speed when it comes to print design.

What’s funny is! I kind of come from 3 generations of family working in the printing industry. My dad and my 2 brothers, but some how I didn’t want to be evolved in the same industry as my family but some how i did even if its on the graphic design side which is slightly different.

Here’s 1 of my first designs to be printed as book cover. Please mind the quality my phone camera isn’t very good.

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Hi if been wondering where i am. I’m proud to say life is good. Been busy at work. Doing a job i love. I have a new phone i always wanted. Awesome friends and family that supports me but!

I can’t explain this feeling of numbness. Like i feel no emotions at times. I should be happy life is going great but for some reason I’m not feeling the way i should.

Sometimes i wonder what’s the point, working, success. Guess after my dogs died it affected me more than i knew. There’s a hole in my heart i cannot fill. Even relationships with people can’t seem to fill that void in my life. What’s wrong with me that i feel this way. God has blessed me so much. Still i do not know happiness. Maybe I’m going insane. But this is how i feel.

What is it! To be blessed?

Hi my friends and bloggers hope you been well. Lately something been worrying me. I’ve been blessed a lot the last month. Prayers are being answered. I don’t get why now. I’ve been praying in the past harder and was more dedicated to God back then. Now I just pray in the mornings but ever since my Dogs died I lost faith in God.

Recently I’ve become bored and empty with my life. Besides the fact I’m suffering from anxiety. I’ve prayed and asked God for a new cell phone and he gave me 2. Because of my anxiety I asked God for purpose and a job where I’d be able to work from home some how and he did that too.

I don’t understand. Is this what it means to be blessed. I’m not sure I deserve it. I’ve seen many more people more deserving and holier than me, their prayers un answered. So why is mine being answered all of a sudden. Don’t get me wrong I am grateful for God’s blessing. Just not used to prayers being answered I guess.

Working outside of my comfort zone

Yesterday for me was strangely an successful day. I had a graphic design job but the thing is I had to work at the clients office instead of my home. Its uncomfortable for me to work outside my home because of the pressure of getting the job done in a short time span. Cause when I usually work from home I can pull all nighters making sure its done right. Also I have anxiety which makes it even harder to work in an environment like that.

Thank God for his favour and I was glad that my friend Zak khan was there to help me. It turns out we make a good creative team. We manage to pull of a design I don’t normally do. A sketch telling a story in a poster cover. It was hard to meet the clients demands but we some how did it in the end. Normally that kind of work was impossible for me to do. Guess knowing that my friend is having back gave me the confidence I need to pull the job off. In the end our hard work paid off and I feel a little more confident and good about myself.

Today 14 years ago I receive my 1st dog ‘Brandy’

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Today for many they celebrate youth day but for me its something more special. Its the day received a little pup in a small cardboard box. She wasn’t healthy and had a terrible skin condition. We took her to vet got some meds and she was looking better in no time.
Her hair grew back and couldn’t even tell she was sick. We decided to name her ‘Brandy’.

We all loved her, my mom, sister, niece, brother, father and myself. She was the 1st thing I’d look for when I woke up each day. I remember how mischief she was biting my shoes. She was really spoilt also. Instead of eating dog food chunks, my mom always cooked for her like a stew with bones and stuff.

She loved walks. Also she loves sweet things like cake and ice cream but I gave only now and then so she didn’t get worms. I always did my best to spoil her. 12 years ago she gave birth to a set of 13 pups. 4 died and 9 pups survived. We gave 8 pups and kept 1. Her son which we named him *King*.

Brandy grew up to be a health loved dog. Today would of been her birthday if she was still alive. She passed away this year january 24 2015. My heart breaks. I miss her so much. The last 3 nights before she died I was up with her all night. I was anxious, stressed seeing in so much pain I couldn’t do anything about it. My Vet said she is old and there is nothing more they can do.

January 23 2015 she took a turn for the worst. I had no choice but we decided we should put her down but its seems everywhere was closed. So that night I stayed up as much as I could. I couldn’t bare to watch her suffer. We was gonna take her to spca the next day to put her down but she had already passed away the next morning.

It was like my heart died with her that morning. Today would of been her birthday. I wish so badly that she could be here with me. All I can do is remember and cherish the memories I had with her. Even in death I worry about her. Where she is. How is she doing. I still feel that sense of responsibility cause I loved her so much.

Just want to say happy birthday my Brandy where ever you are I hope you are well. Your family loves you and misses you.