Overwhelming choices

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Life isn’t so easy when you trying to aim for your dreams. Lately I’ve been overwhelmed and doubting myself. Why? Over 5 years ago I got into graphic design using free software ‘gimp and inkscape’ but as of lately I’ve been working in the print design industry and I have to use photoshop and illustrator. This means its like starting from scratch learning new software and how this industry works.

Its bad enough I have anxiety but now I can’t sleep. All I’m thinking about is when will I’ll been done learning this software. I’m anxious everyday. Its eating me up. I’ve even given thought to giving up on graphic design.

Sure I’m working now but my job might soon come to an end. Sure its a great job but I always wanted to be my own boss someday. Sure it sounds great in theory but its easier said than done. I still haven’t settled on a design for my own business cards. I haven’t had the courage yet to call or make any communication with any printing company that I might use in the future to print my clients designs.

It feels like a pipe dream, I’m 31 and Starting over in graphic design, Which makes me a beginner again. So do I even stand a chance? To start my own business. Its killing me all these choices. If only I had someone to talk to. Someone to help me in my field. That would be amazing but life isn’t that easy right. I don’t have the connections or the resources.

Do I give up or keep trying….! Guess we will see in time.

It isn’t Christmas with out the grinch

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Hi merry Christmas I know I’m kinda late wishing you my blogging family.  We’ll as my title says it isn’t Christmas with out a grinch trying to steal Christmas or ruin it.  In this chase my sister in law.

When it comes to birthdays,  celebrations or Christmas she always makes problems for my family.  She doesn’t even send my nieces to visit.  She really does hate us. I don’t really want to get into the details of what happened on Christmas but I am disheartened to see how my sister in law treats my brother so badly.  Sure he has his faults but what she’s doing is just plain evil.

When my sister in law makes problems she always phone my home and swears who ever answers the phone.  My brother can’t even visit us without her causing a scene. All I can say the grinch did steal Christmas for my family this year 😦

It feels like betrayal! If I did get a new dog!

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Lately I’ve been lonely. Got out of a relationship that didn’t last because she didn’t no time for me, but time for strangers to tweet all day. I wasn’t never this lonely. When my dogs was alive they would keep me company. They made me happy and was my reason for living. After they passed away, I feel like an empty shell going from 1 day to another. People say I should consider getting another dog!

I’ve also considered that possibility, but it just feels wrong to me to replace my previous dogs with a new one. My dogs ‘Brandy and King’ where unique. They understood me. They personality made them who they where. Most of all losing them was the hardest part so even if I did get another dog. I can’t go through that again. Losing something I love. It almost killed me the last time with depression and anxiety.

Still I miss having a dog to love and being loved. I guess the thing I miss the most is after having supper I’d go outside and play with them till they satisfied or sometimes I’d take them for a walk.

There’s no replacement for the dogs I had but for now my neighbour has a cute pitbull dog that I play with all the time. Its not the same as having my own dog but it helps sometimes when I’m lonely.

I dont know how to be christain but I know how to believe in God

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I’ve been thinking lately ever since my aunt died a week ago. That I should get closer to God. Who knows when what will happen and I don’t want it to be to late. The thing is! In terms of religion I’m a Christian but honestly, I don’t know how be exactly that. I see people in church they like super holy. It seems weird.

I pray to God and help where I can, but I can’t be like the people in church. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean everyone. Just mean some people who over do it with religion.

Plus in church there are different circles. Rich interacts and makes friendships with other rich people and poor for the poor. Just doesn’t seem very christian like. That’s why it confuses me what it is to be christian, How does one truly be that.

Guess I’ll stick to the bible when it comes to God, because with people even pastors! You never know what to expect. No one is perfect. I don’t to intend to be perfect but live my life the best way I can to best understanding of God’s word in the bible I guess. Maybe others with disagree with me.

been to busy to blog! My apologies

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Its been about 2 months since I’ve been officially working as a full time graphic designer for a client. Handling all his design needs. Work is good. A week ago my dads, sister! also known as my aunt. Passed away due to cancer. So its been kinda hectic at home with my dad depressed. Me busy all the time with work. Just didn’t have the energy to blog until today because I finished early and had some time to kill.

Anyway the thing that was really taking my time was. Learning to design for print. It seems there are big colour differences between digital and print. It took me this whole weekend to colour correct a work design for print because the digital copy wasn’t printing out very well but I’m glad I know the difference now.

Another reason why I haven’t been blogging is! I’m using a ‘diary app’ to write my thoughts. Things that I can’t say on a blog because of anyone I might know could read it. The app is called ‘better diary’ its pretty awesome. It looks like a blog post on the app every time you write thoughts down. It has moods and tags features. I just love it.

Again I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write a post and apologies for any typo’s.

My graphic design error! digital to print

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As a graphic designer in the real world it’s a lot more different. I’ve been so used to designing for digital, but now that I’ve gotten a job where i have to design for print. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I haven’t accounted for bleed and dpi.

Still I’m glad I’ve made these mistakes. I’ve learnt a lot since I started this job. I’m slowly easing into the designing for print. Well after viewing some tutorials and reading some design for print blogs I believe I’m up to speed when it comes to print design.

What’s funny is! I kind of come from 3 generations of family working in the printing industry. My dad and my 2 brothers, but some how I didn’t want to be evolved in the same industry as my family but some how i did even if its on the graphic design side which is slightly different.

Here’s 1 of my first designs to be printed as book cover. Please mind the quality my phone camera isn’t very good.

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Feeling emotionless

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Hi if been wondering where i am. I’m proud to say life is good. Been busy at work. Doing a job i love. I have a new phone i always wanted. Awesome friends and family that supports me but!

I can’t explain this feeling of numbness. Like i feel no emotions at times. I should be happy life is going great but for some reason I’m not feeling the way i should.

Sometimes i wonder what’s the point, working, success. Guess after my dogs died it affected me more than i knew. There’s a hole in my heart i cannot fill. Even relationships with people can’t seem to fill that void in my life. What’s wrong with me that i feel this way. God has blessed me so much. Still i do not know happiness. Maybe I’m going insane. But this is how i feel.