Today I was reading a post from a blog I follow. The post mentioned what is the ideal life you want to live! The truth is! I’ve been so caught up in my own world of ‘anxiety and depression’ that I stopped thinking about the life I wanted!
So I took sometime to think about it and it wasn’t to hard to figure out. The life I want is to be a creative graphic designer. Meeting clients at coffee shops. Going to fancy offices having brain storming ideas with other creatives. Working out of a coffee shop with a laptop at times. Just having freedom of a life as graphic designer.
Yes there are ways of making money with graphic design online with stock graphics. For now I’ll do it cause I need the income but it isn’t my dream. Sometimes you have to ask the right questions in order discover what you want.
Guess reading someone else’s blog helped me discover what I want. Now I guess I have to work towards making it happen. Its been hard. I’ve given up more times than I can count but I have to keep on trying. Not only for myself but for others who maybe thinking of giving up on their dreams. I hope to be that inspiration so that they never give up.
Its been a while since I’ve been out and last night my friend was having a movie production meeting for a movie his doing and asked me to tag along. In the past I’d jump at the opportunity but now I’d have to think about it because they will be a lot new people there and that kinda makes me uncomfortable having anxiety an all. Anyway I did go.
Sure I went with close friends so that was just perfect because I had no problem making conversations with my friends.
Slowly people I haven’t met before started arriving at the meeting! In my mind was thinking “I don’t even have anything in common with these people because they doing a movie and I’m just a graphic designer not even as a career ,but I just love it and still don’t know! What am I doing here?”
Of course I felt intimidated but I wasn’t going to show it. I kind of learnt this technique from a youtube video on how to be more charismatic. Simply listen to what they saying and ask how, when why that happen etc to make yourself more engaging which I did. Sure on the outside I may of looked normal but on the inside I was nervous and anxious as hell!
There was times when I was thinking I wish I stayed at home in bed because I felt so strange meeting these new people. The thought of being rejected or what if I don’t hit it off or they don’t like me. These thought plays out in my mind you know.
After the meeting we all went out for coffee and of one the guys there was a movie director slash graphic designer and he showed me some of his work. A poster his done for a movie his doing and it was impressive but I thought I’d be more intimidate by it when I saw his work but I was actually hyped because I realised I don’t do graphic design to compete with other graphic designers. I do it because I have a passion for it.
On the up side of being out for coffee. The coffee shop was across a club called cuba lounge. The view was amazing women dressed half naked walking pass by me to get to club was all the motivation I need to get out more .
Still last night made me realise I need to work more on my social skills and get out more often. Unfortunately knowing myself I’m going to avoid going out for a while till I’m ready again to go out.