Tag Archives: people

Human contact!

Hey its me sorry for the late post. Its been a hectic past 2 weeks with work and my birthday. Oh yeah I turned 32 on the 11th november. I don’t feel any older though. Work been crazy I think I pull off the impossible there meeting deadlines. Anyway lately I’ve been yearning for human contact! Ever since I been going for therapy and group therapy. I feel like I re integrated myself back into the real world. Because before my social anxiety was very bad and thanks to therapy. I feel more confidence being around people.

The problem now is? There isn’t any people around to socialise with or go out with. My friends are to busy with their own lives which I get. Also everything is instant messengers and social media when it comes to conversations with friends, so we don’t have to meet. That part sucks the most. Yes social media and IM+ where cool when they first came out. Now they just limit more human contact. This frustrates me and makes me feel lonely.

I can’t remember the last time I went out or saw a movie with friends or family. Mostly me and my friends download movies and series and just watch them but ourselves. Yes again life is starting to feel kinda lonely. I know most people would say get a girl friend but I don’t think one person gonna solve my yearning for socialising. Lucky though I have group therapy for the next 2 weeks. So hopefully things will get better from there.

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Getting lonelier with age!

Today as I woke up listening to a song.  I became quite emotional.  Basically I started to feel lonely. As the days, months and years are going by I’m seeing friends and family less and lesser. I can’t describe this feeling of loneliness.  It makes me feel sick and empty at times.

I wish i could turn back time.  The days when life was less complicated. No responsibilities.  Just going out and having fun. Unfortunately we can’t go back to those days.  Friends have kids others getting engaged.  Their lives are busy.  I’m happy for them,  they my friend.  I just miss them.

As for family.  My brother can’t visit us his wife hates our family and won’t let him visit us.  My sister lives a bit far off so I see her at church or special occasions like birthdays etc.  Still even when we do get together the family!  We couldn’t be further apart.  Everyone’s on their phones chatting to someone else. That’s why I miss my dogs so much because when nobody was around they was always there for me.  Now that they gone I’m still heart broken over it.  What must I do life must go on. 

The worst part of my life I’m the single guy in bunch of friends.  Haven’t been in love since high school.  How lame is that.  I just think with age comes loneliness. Guess I was feeling more lonely that I realized writing this post.

just yesterday after eating supper putting my dishes in the sink. From the kitchen window I can see in my neighbors yard. I see something small and brown running around. It was a puppy. They had just gotten it. I couldn’t contain myself I went in my backyard and spoke to my neighbor asked them to show me the puppy. I played with it and my neighbor even let me borrow her to go show my mum.

It was the cutest Boerboel crossed with a Pitbull pup I ever seen. I was sad to give the pup back because I remember that excitement they are feeling, having a dog for the first time. All you want to do is play with your dog all the time.

Well to be honest I’ve been kinda lonely since my dogs passed away. Yeah I’ve thought of getting another dog but I feel like its wrong or its a betrayal to the dogs I’ve had if I get another one. Besides my dogs could never be replaced. Also I dont want to go through losing another dog it was painful enough the first two times.

Now all I can do just admire my neighbors dog with jealous lol.

Hi and welcome back from the weekend. Is been a hectic weekend for me attended a wedding function and got news of 2 deaths.1 from our church and the other is family.

To be honest I enjoyed the wedding because I feels like forever since I’ve been out and celebrated something. Then I got the news last night that a member from our church had committed suicide and hung himself. People are asking the question why? He did what he did. To be honest I can relate to him because Ive been there being suicidal but recently gotten help. Still its sad that this young man took his own life. Because I knew him as this happy guy.

So this morning we get another phone call ,someone in our family has passed away. This really sucks. Bad news after bad news.

All this death makes you think that we should appreciate life and our family. To be honest my family is so divided that only when it comes to functions or funerals that we get to see each other.

hopefully these tragedies will help bring our families closer. If only life was that simple. Still life goes on and hope to make the best of mine this 2015.

My apologies I haven’t blogged in a while. Just been going through a lot of stuff lately. Anyway last night I attended a wedding function in my road and met alot of old friends from my school days.

Its seems I didn’t have much on common with them and ran out of things to say! Its true that my communication skills sucks but those where friends I used to spend time and talk for hours with. Now I cant even go 5 minutes without running out of things to say!

Maybe I out grown them but still I feel kinda bad that I couldn’t relate to them like I used to. Well now that im back! I will be blogging more frequently. Since many of my readers and bloggers have been there for me when my dogs had passed away and I thank you for you’ll condolences. Have a great weekend everyone.

New Neighbors

Today my neighbors are moving out. I know this should’nt effect me but it does. We lived with them for about 13 years. Now new neighbors have just moved in! Today! Who are practically strangers. Are they good people? Are they psycholopaths! I hope not.

I hate to say this but I miss my old neighbors. Only now that they gone I realize how much like family neighbors really are. When they would go on holiday they would trust me to feed thier dogs.

Guess we all have to adjust to change. Its part of life. As for my new neighbors not sure if il ever have the same relationship with my new neighbors like I did with my old ones.

I am also kinda of disappointed because it would at least been nice if my new neighbors had hot daughters, but they dont! That said life goes on. Just have to accept having new neighbors and make my peace with it.

Are you ready? for 2014

Hello bloggers, friends and family. Christmas and New years is around the corner. So much to do also not to mention the christmas shopping. We get so caught up in the moment and before you know it, its a new year.

I’m still not sure though if I’m ready for 2014 just yet. I have so many lose ends of my life to tie up. Like getting right with god. Getting help for my anxiety. I’m only human I’m sure many of you still have some uncompleted goals.

Despite my disappointments this year I plan on doing things right for 2014. I wanna be confident, bolder, and embrace a new opportunities with an I can attitude. Cause I’ve always been timid, shy and antisocial to new experiences.

2014 will be my year of success. My dreams will come true. I speak these things in faith right now. I’m hoping for the best. I wish every reader, commenter, friend and family the best for 2014 cause I’m hoping for great things.

Friendships to remember! Going down memory lane

Today I’ve just been thinking a lot about friends who came and went from my life. When I moved here to newlands west durban (south africa) I was just entering my 1st year of high school. That was about 13 years ago. I didn’t know anyone. So I was kind of lost. My first friend I made here was! 2 of my neighbours daughters. Tanya and Tina they was sweet and I was shy.

I hardly spoke to them unless in school because they where girls and It wasn’t like I could just go and visit them. I was only 13 and fathers don’t want some guy hanging around their daughters even if its a neighbour. My 1st guy friend was a guy named kubeshen. He noticed we lived close by and noticed me walking to school everyday and decided to introduce himself. So we became friends.

Then later I met another friend who was in my class. A guy name renaldo. We wasn’t exactly friends at 1st. I don’t really know happen but one day during lunch break he gave me his school bag to hold and said to me his coming back just now but he never did. “Remember I didn’t really no him or speak with him back then.” He only came after lunch break for his bag I can’t even remember the excuse he told me. I remember I was so mad and I didn’t want to talk to him.

Eventually we did talk and realised we had stuff in common like a stupid sense of humour like in comedy. We liked mortal kombat, street fighter and megaman etc. We became close. Destiny may of had a hand in things because renaldo also lived close by my house.

So in the school holidays I’d hang out with my friends renaldo or kubeshan because they didn’t know each other until later on. When I hanged out with kubeshen he introduced me to some of his neighbours. Torino and lee. They to also became close friends. Then later I introduced renaldo to kubeshen and his neighbours and we all became bra’s (friends)

We had some crazy times hanging out. Doing stupid things. Back then we didn’t have cellphones or dvds so we would play cricket, pool, tops, marbles and play sega(gaming console) for fun.

As time when on in school was how I found my real friends. Renaldo was still my close friend and then later in grade 10 I met another guy friend in my class named oyeshan who also become my close friend. We wasn’t always so close until the last year of school. There was another friend I met moses from another class in my school and he now to is my close friend.

So basically in school lunch break I would hang out with my close friends moses, oyeshan and renaldo. We’d all hang out together. After school when I got home. I’d hang out with my 1st friends kubeshen, torino, lee and renaldo.

Finally when we finished school! Me, moses, oyeshan and renaldo began to hang out more and more and that’s how we became best friends over time.

Kubeshen and I was still friends but over time we drifted apart because he was always so negative. He didn’t believe in dreams so he would be kind of technical when we spoken about our dreams for our lives. So I didn’t cut him off completely just kept my distance. Now I don’t ever see him, but if I do see him somewhere we would just greet chat for a bit and part ways.

I have no regrets about that. I know who my real friends are. Moses, oyeshan and renaldo. They been through the good and bad times of my life. Its good to remember the journey. Peoples lives make for a good story. Also torino and lee moved to another city where they now live. So I haven’t seen them in like over 6 years.

Its time for change! Officially

Hi everyone its time I took a new approach on life. I decided I’m gonna change the way I do things, from the way I blog to relationships and even my faith. So I’m gonna get more involved in my own blog showing you more about my life and what I do. Not just random articles about relationships unless its one of mine.

This change all started yesterday when I commented on someone’s blog. She gave me advice and helped me restore my faith in god. She was sweet and not like those religious christians that wanna quote hundreds of scriptures to show you how smart they are. I learnt that I should find my own way to connect with god. She reminded me why we should believe in god and its simply about having hope and that is what god is really about. Those simple words change my life.

Guess if I ever go back on my word you can always hold me accountable. That’s why once this is posted online on my blog there’s no going back. 🙂

I couldn’t be ordinary even if I tried!

Ordinary to me is to be controlled by the rules people set on you or to tell you what is and what’s not possible. That life is meant to be lived in a certain way. Ordinary! Where’s the fun In that. I’ve tried being ordinary. Worked at a job I hated, letting family and friends decide what career I should do? It didn’t work because I’m not ordinary. I’ve always known there was something special inside me. Something I could never explain but felt. All I knew there was more to life then waking up, working, eating, sleeping and repeating the cycle.

Yes you may see me as a failure or even a loser right now. Me! I don’t see that. Yes its true I had a lot of failure in my life but without it! I wouldn’t of learnt how to be, a writer, actor, blogger, graphic designer, website designer and learnt marketing via social media. Maybe the path in life I’ve chosen isn’t logical but it made life worth living and exciting. Even if I died tomorrow without my dreams accomplished, I know I tried and lived doing so.

I’m not saying that everyone else is ordinary. Its just that they don’t allow themselves the freedom to explore who they really are! If you wanted to be a ship captain or a pilot but instead you working in sales. You denying yourself the experience and purpose that money can never buy. A fulfilled life.

The truth be told if I had gotten a good job with good pay straight after finishing school. I’d probably work there for the rest of my life and never try anything new. My dream is to work for myself. Be my own boss. Work my own hours. I’m not there yet but I’m working on it. I’m a freelance graphic designer at the moment and working on my own design brand.

Its not that I don’t want to work a 9 to 5 job. Its because I can’t right now. Sure I have sever anxiety that freaks me out now and then but the only thing I can do right and succeed in is, working for myself. Maybe my freelance graphic design will turn into a business over time. Ordinary isn’t for me. I tried. I hated it. Now moving on.