A heart breaking situation

This past Thursday I was disappointed to learn my neighbour was moving!  Why? Because I love their dog Jackie who always visits me as you made of read in my last post. The disturbing news I got was my neighbour wasn’t really moving but actually they got kicked out for not paying rent.  They had some family issues when my neighbour retired from work he collected a substantial amount of money which he spent every last cent on luxuries and now broke.

I feel bad for them even though they brought it on themselves. The fear that someone’s life could change that drastically has instilled fear in me. This could be me one day if I don’t get my act together and overcome my anxiety. Also I can’t help but worry what’s gonna happen to my neighbour’s dog Jackie. Will they have to give her away or leave her to be homeless.  Still can’t stop thinking about the dog. They don’t seem to care about their own dog.  I even offered to help look after the dog this weekend.  I wish I could keep the dog but my parents won’t let me because if will be to costly and I’m not working.

Life is scarier than ever for me.  I wonder what tomorrow will hold…

Jackie I will miss

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I had to wake up early because I had an appointment with my psychologist. So I went to the hospital and came home about 2 in the afternoon. Finally got home getting out the car my mom tells me I must see my neighbours are moving cause all their stuff is outside.  My dad went to see my neighbour and when he comes back, he confirms that they moving. It was a huge shock for me. 

Why?  Cause my neighbours Jack Russell dog whose name is Jackie spent most of its days at my house playing with me,  eating here and stuff. So yes I’m attached to the dog like it is my own.  To hear that I might not never see her again is heart breaking. I get along better with dogs than humans. This dog has been a good friend to me.

I know every morning Jackie will come and bite my feet and I’ll carry her.  Sometimes she’s likes to bite my socks and take off and run.  She’s cute like that. It hurts I can’t do anything about it. She’s not my dog 😦 this totally sucks.  Don’t know how I’m going to get over this.

It feels like betrayal! If I did get a new dog!

Lately I’ve been lonely. Got out of a relationship that didn’t last because she didn’t no time for me, but time for strangers to tweet all day. I wasn’t never this lonely. When my dogs was alive they would keep me company. They made me happy and was my reason for living. After they passed away, I feel like an empty shell going from 1 day to another. People say I should consider getting another dog!

I’ve also considered that possibility, but it just feels wrong to me to replace my previous dogs with a new one. My dogs ‘Brandy and King’ where unique. They understood me. They personality made them who they where. Most of all losing them was the hardest part so even if I did get another dog. I can’t go through that again. Losing something I love. It almost killed me the last time with depression and anxiety.

Still I miss having a dog to love and being loved. I guess the thing I miss the most is after having supper I’d go outside and play with them till they satisfied or sometimes I’d take them for a walk.

There’s no replacement for the dogs I had but for now my neighbour has a cute pitbull dog that I play with all the time. Its not the same as having my own dog but it helps sometimes when I’m lonely.

Today 14 years ago I receive my 1st dog ‘Brandy’

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Today for many they celebrate youth day but for me its something more special. Its the day received a little pup in a small cardboard box. She wasn’t healthy and had a terrible skin condition. We took her to vet got some meds and she was looking better in no time.
Her hair grew back and couldn’t even tell she was sick. We decided to name her ‘Brandy’.

We all loved her, my mom, sister, niece, brother, father and myself. She was the 1st thing I’d look for when I woke up each day. I remember how mischief she was biting my shoes. She was really spoilt also. Instead of eating dog food chunks, my mom always cooked for her like a stew with bones and stuff.

She loved walks. Also she loves sweet things like cake and ice cream but I gave only now and then so she didn’t get worms. I always did my best to spoil her. 12 years ago she gave birth to a set of 13 pups. 4 died and 9 pups survived. We gave 8 pups and kept 1. Her son which we named him *King*.

Brandy grew up to be a health loved dog. Today would of been her birthday if she was still alive. She passed away this year january 24 2015. My heart breaks. I miss her so much. The last 3 nights before she died I was up with her all night. I was anxious, stressed seeing in so much pain I couldn’t do anything about it. My Vet said she is old and there is nothing more they can do.

January 23 2015 she took a turn for the worst. I had no choice but we decided we should put her down but its seems everywhere was closed. So that night I stayed up as much as I could. I couldn’t bare to watch her suffer. We was gonna take her to spca the next day to put her down but she had already passed away the next morning.

It was like my heart died with her that morning. Today would of been her birthday. I wish so badly that she could be here with me. All I can do is remember and cherish the memories I had with her. Even in death I worry about her. Where she is. How is she doing. I still feel that sense of responsibility cause I loved her so much.

Just want to say happy birthday my Brandy where ever you are I hope you are well. Your family loves you and misses you.

Im jealous of my neighbors new puppy

just yesterday after eating supper putting my dishes in the sink. From the kitchen window I can see in my neighbors yard. I see something small and brown running around. It was a puppy. They had just gotten it. I couldn’t contain myself I went in my backyard and spoke to my neighbor asked them to show me the puppy. I played with it and my neighbor even let me borrow her to go show my mum.

It was the cutest Boerboel crossed with a Pitbull pup I ever seen. I was sad to give the pup back because I remember that excitement they are feeling, having a dog for the first time. All you want to do is play with your dog all the time.

Well to be honest I’ve been kinda lonely since my dogs passed away. Yeah I’ve thought of getting another dog but I feel like its wrong or its a betrayal to the dogs I’ve had if I get another one. Besides my dogs could never be replaced. Also I dont want to go through losing another dog it was painful enough the first two times.

Now all I can do just admire my neighbors dog with jealous lol.

I’ve had the best dogs in the world

Hi if you been reading my blog I’m sure you read about my dogs recently passing away, today is exactly 2 weeks now that my precious dog ‘Brandy’ passed away. Today my mom tells me she had a dream about her and I burst into tears. I miss her so much and it ihas gotten any easier because 5 months ago my other dog named ‘King’ passed away. He was also brandy’s son.

I wasn’t even over kings death and now brandy is gone to. Its devastating. I’ve been keeping myself busy lately but every now and then the realisation that my dogs are gone gives me a lot of anxiety, because I long for them. I can’t imagine a life without them but that is exactly what my life is right now.

I think about suicide a lot. I mean I don’t have a girlfriend or a lot of female friends. I have close friends but they have their own lives too. All I had was my dogs. I lived for them. No one understands my loneliness. I just want to die. I don’t even know how I got through these past 2 weeks. Still it hasn’t gotten any easier.

I wish for things to go back to the way it used to be. I’ve been blessed with the best dogs in the whole world. Brandy was fat and cute and King was handsome and playful. My dogs knew me well. They always made my day. Now I’m in a state of depression and anxiety because I missed them so much. I don’t want to move on because I don’t want to forget. The pain helps me remember them. I wish people could understand.

I’m writing this post because I’m scared and not sure what to do anymore.

Wish my dog would live forever

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This has been a stressful week for me because my dog ‘Brandy’ is very sick. Not to long ago ,last year august 2014 I lost my other dog ‘king’ which was ‘Brandy’s’ son. King’s death broke me and drove me to take antidepressants.

Now im so stressed because we took Brandy to the vet and they gave her meds and she still not eating and was spewing. Im scared that the meds might not be working. I cant deal with the loss of yet another dog. Im scare. Sad. Wishing, hoping and praying she will get better.

My dogs has made my life so much better, when I was lonely and friends where busy I always had my dogs. But I am praying she gets better but if things turn for the worst I pray God will take her peacefully and not let her suffer.

What can I do but pray now! I love her. Only a real pet lover would understand this. I had to write down how I feel because this is eating me inside.