Happiness for a moment

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Yesterday I discovered something. My life feels empty. Lonely. Since my dogs passed away. I feel something is missing. Still yesterday I was happy for a moment. My brother visited and my nieces came over to. They always so excited when they visit my home. Yesterday my nieces wanted me to load some games on their tablets. You know their excitement, their energy it was infectious.

I was happy. They don’t look at me like other people do. The unemployed, the failure. They just have unconditional love for me. Just as my dogs gave me. So yesterday for a brief moment I was happy. They might be hope after all. Something worth salvaging in my life.

I also feel that way when I’m with my close friends. In that moment I’m with them nothing else matters. Life without people to share it with is pointless. Even with all the money in the world you’d be lonely. Despite what I’m going through in my life. My anxiety, depression, failures, loss. These things gave me a new appreciation for the people in my life and holding on to the moments that matter.

My recent anxiety and depression relapse

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Hi to my blogging family. You know it took me a while to write this post. I’ve been struggling. I’ve recently contracted the flu for about 2 weeks. I was so sick and weak that I stopped taking my antidepressants. I was just focusing on getting better from the flu. Well I did get better and slowly forgot about taking my antidepressants again. I’ve noticed how my anxiety and depression levels went up.

I couldn’t sleep. Everything was so loud, like everyone voices crowed in my head. My problems become more scarier. I become terrified of life. Thoughts of suicide crept into my head. Voices in my mind telling me : “I haven’t accomplished anything. You know not moving forward. Things are a lot harder for you than others.” I tried to shut these voices out but I couldn’t. My headaches where getting worst. My mind was all over the place. I’ve been really irritable lately. Even been ignoring people on instant messengers and social networks.

Its only been yesterday since I went back on my antidepressants. I feel calmer and less stressed out and not panicing for about every little thing before. To be honest I don’t want to use antidepressants but its the only thing for now that’s helping me stay calm. Maybe not 100% more like 70% but still it helps. Life isn’t easy for me I guess that’s why I have a lot of anxiety. This generally easy for others are 10 times harder for me. Guess its why I like to run away from my problems.

Before I got sick I was on the right track on getting my life right but this set back really put me back off my progress. Going have to start over now.

Dose of reality hits me

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Where do I start! This morning my sleep broke, my head hot and sweaty. I had a nightmare. Imagine all your insecurities and fears coming to reality. I can’t believe something like this has happen, just when I started getting my life in order. This nightmare put so much fear in me that I’m starting to think that my dreams are a waste of time.

My family thinks so. All I ever wanted was their respect to see me more than just a failure. I may believe I’m a success but until I prove to people otherwise I’m nothing. This nightmare gave me a hash dose of reality. I can’t think clearly or focus. I don’t know want to do. My confidence is shaken. I feel like a nervous wreck.

Feels like all my progress was for nothing because my nightmare felt so real. Also it showed me that I would be alone no family no friends and how I would mess up my life. It was so terrifying my sleep broke at 3am in the morning. To be honest I’m feeling kind of confused about what I should do. I’m writing this post to express how I feel and so I can heal.

I apologise for this depressing post. I am just as surprised that I am feeling this way.

I’ve got anxiety help!!!

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The one thing people take for granted is confidence. Why? am i talking about confidence and not anxiety. Well anxiety is the most miss understood problem to have. How do I know? Because I have an anxiety problem and I need help. That is why I am writing this post and to help others like myself who are suffering.

When I have anxiety it takes away my focus and confidence in a situation. What happens is I become overwhelmed, confused and unable to think clearly. This is a huge problem in my life. Because of my anxiety I’m always afraid, doubtful, and fearful to take risks. My career is on hold, I’m unemployed and afraid to find a job because I’m afraid I’ll screw it up or unable to do it right due to my problem.

Trying to get help for anxiety is very difficult for me, because I have Christian family & friends. They solution is to pray and confession that you are healed in the name of god, also they will quote a lot of scriptures to me instead of telling me what actions to take and how to overcome it. I have tried what they said and even prayed about it ,but it did not work. Just like a unfit man trying to get in shape, he must exercise. That is a practical thing for that man to get fit so he must exercise, now I need that kind of practical advice and not religious advice.

All I know is I hate having anxiety, I don’t choose or ask for it. I know saying you have anxiety makes you sound like a weak person and maybe that’s the reason people find it hard to talk about. The road to recovery is admitting you have a problem. The main question is still, how to overcome it. I’m sure people who have anxiety secretly live in fear of themselves.

They are medications available to help you cope with anxiety ,at least that’s what I read on the internet. Unfortunately I’m broke and can’t afford to buy these medications. So I’m looking for the best alternative way to overcome or deal with my anxiety.

#So anyone with advice with this topic I would really appreciate it. So if you have or had anxiety this article is for you.

Knowing your self worth

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Do you know how valuable you are? That is a question people are afraid to ask. There are many people out there who don’t know their self worth.

5 examples of not knowing your self worth

1. A young girl who doesn’t feel she’s pretty enough to get a boyfriend, so she dresses like a slut and attracts guy by having sex with them.

2. An over weight guy who feels like he will never get married or ever get a girl, so his often depressed and wants to kill himself.

3. A average person with a low self-esteem who feels like there’s nothing to live for and often cries out for help by cutting or by inflicting pain on himself.

4. The unemployed guy or girl who turns to drugs because life is difficult.

5. Finally the rejected, people who try to fit in ,but never is accepted by society or social standards. So this often leads to people living a life to what people think you should be.

If you don’t know your self worth or don’t know who you are, then people will mostly likely take advantage of you. The first thing I can say is love yourself with your flaws and all, be confident in who you are despite what others may think. When you stop living to please people or stop living to the expectation they put on you, then you will live a happier and less stressful life.