Hi bloggers and friends its a busy week for me with my nieces engagement this weekend. Having it at my home because of the big space. Anyway talking relationships. It comes to my attention some people think I am weird. Talking behind my back. I honestly don’t care. All I know is I’m going through a lot with my battle against anxiety and depression.
I’m 30 and single and people seem to be asking the question how come I don’t have a girl friend, or rather should I say! Probably family gossiping behind my back or so. The truth is my anxiety has progressed into social anxiety which means now I find to hard to be around new people or in public. Its often the reason why I don’t go out a lot now days and sit in my room and work from home. I hide behind social media to avoid human contact.
I know its not normal. I am on medication but it only helps calm me down and not adapt to real life situations. On the other hand if I don’t take my medication I want to kill myself.
Well welcome to the story of my life. Anxiety is real. You can’t pray it away but you can pray for the strength to face it everyday. I am slowly getting better through the help of God and medication but its a daily battle with sometimes a few set backs.
Today for the first time I feel better about myself. Ever since I started getting treatment for my anxiety the symptoms of it have become less and less. This allowing me to be more productive with my life and become a little more confident.
Im not saying im 100% better but I am saying I am getting better. I’ve already accomplished a goal now and its only been 1 month since I’ve been on medication for anxiety. Also im getting out more often. Basically feeling a lot better about life.
Finally it feels like I can live a normal life. Still I have a lot work to do but im getting there thanks to the support of my family and close friends.
Hi to all my readers and followers, I’d like to thank you for supporting me through my dark times. I’ve got good news. Its been a hectic few couple of months trying to get help for my anxiety. Finally I’m being treated. The medication I’ve been getting so far seems to be helping. I mean I went for an engagement party this last weekend and I haven’t experienced any social anxiety symptoms. I was actually able to enjoy myself.
I feel calmer and more relaxed now. Sure there are some draw backs to the medication. Its feels like I’m high on drugs sometimes and a little sleepy at times but the doctor says it will pass after a week or two.
I would like to thank my friend zak who pushed me to get help. God knows I wanted to end my life because I felt like I had no control over my life. Some how God made a way, gave me strength and sent the right people in my life to help me. I just want to write this post to let my readers know I’m fine. Thank you for following my blog. You are appreciated. Have and awesome wednesday 🙂
If you have any questions about anxiety please feel free ask?
Its been a while since I’ve been out and last night my friend was having a movie production meeting for a movie his doing and asked me to tag along. In the past I’d jump at the opportunity but now I’d have to think about it because they will be a lot new people there and that kinda makes me uncomfortable having anxiety an all. Anyway I did go.
Sure I went with close friends so that was just perfect because I had no problem making conversations with my friends.
Slowly people I haven’t met before started arriving at the meeting! In my mind was thinking “I don’t even have anything in common with these people because they doing a movie and I’m just a graphic designer not even as a career ,but I just love it and still don’t know! What am I doing here?”
Of course I felt intimidated but I wasn’t going to show it. I kind of learnt this technique from a youtube video on how to be more charismatic. Simply listen to what they saying and ask how, when why that happen etc to make yourself more engaging which I did. Sure on the outside I may of looked normal but on the inside I was nervous and anxious as hell!
There was times when I was thinking I wish I stayed at home in bed because I felt so strange meeting these new people. The thought of being rejected or what if I don’t hit it off or they don’t like me. These thought plays out in my mind you know.
After the meeting we all went out for coffee and of one the guys there was a movie director slash graphic designer and he showed me some of his work. A poster his done for a movie his doing and it was impressive but I thought I’d be more intimidate by it when I saw his work but I was actually hyped because I realised I don’t do graphic design to compete with other graphic designers. I do it because I have a passion for it.
On the up side of being out for coffee. The coffee shop was across a club called cuba lounge. The view was amazing women dressed half naked walking pass by me to get to club was all the motivation I need to get out more .
Still last night made me realise I need to work more on my social skills and get out more often. Unfortunately knowing myself I’m going to avoid going out for a while till I’m ready again to go out.