Today 14 years ago I receive my 1st dog ‘Brandy’

Today 14 years ago I receive my 1st dog ‘Brandy’

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Today for many they celebrate youth day but for me its something more special. Its the day received a little pup in a small cardboard box. She wasn’t healthy and had a terrible skin condition. We took her to vet got some meds and she was looking better in no time.
Her hair grew back and couldn’t even tell she was sick. We decided to name her ‘Brandy’.

We all loved her, my mom, sister, niece, brother, father and myself. She was the 1st thing I’d look for when I woke up each day. I remember how mischief she was biting my shoes. She was really spoilt also. Instead of eating dog food chunks, my mom always cooked for her like a stew with bones and stuff.

She loved walks. Also she loves sweet things like cake and ice cream but I gave only now and then so she didn’t get worms. I always did my best to spoil her. 12 years ago she gave birth to a set of 13 pups. 4 died and 9 pups survived. We gave 8 pups and kept 1. Her son which we named him *King*.

Brandy grew up to be a health loved dog. Today would of been her birthday if she was still alive. She passed away this year january 24 2015. My heart breaks. I miss her so much. The last 3 nights before she died I was up with her all night. I was anxious, stressed seeing in so much pain I couldn’t do anything about it. My Vet said she is old and there is nothing more they can do.

January 23 2015 she took a turn for the worst. I had no choice but we decided we should put her down but its seems everywhere was closed. So that night I stayed up as much as I could. I couldn’t bare to watch her suffer. We was gonna take her to spca the next day to put her down but she had already passed away the next morning.

It was like my heart died with her that morning. Today would of been her birthday. I wish so badly that she could be here with me. All I can do is remember and cherish the memories I had with her. Even in death I worry about her. Where she is. How is she doing. I still feel that sense of responsibility cause I loved her so much.

Just want to say happy birthday my Brandy where ever you are I hope you are well. Your family loves you and misses you.

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I’ve had the best dogs in the world

I’ve had the best dogs in the world

Hi if you been reading my blog I’m sure you read about my dogs recently passing away, today is exactly 2 weeks now that my precious dog ‘Brandy’ passed away. Today my mom tells me she had a dream about her and I burst into tears. I miss her so much and it ihas gotten any easier because 5 months ago my other dog named ‘King’ passed away. He was also brandy’s son.

I wasn’t even over kings death and now brandy is gone to. Its devastating. I’ve been keeping myself busy lately but every now and then the realisation that my dogs are gone gives me a lot of anxiety, because I long for them. I can’t imagine a life without them but that is exactly what my life is right now.

I think about suicide a lot. I mean I don’t have a girlfriend or a lot of female friends. I have close friends but they have their own lives too. All I had was my dogs. I lived for them. No one understands my loneliness. I just want to die. I don’t even know how I got through these past 2 weeks. Still it hasn’t gotten any easier.

I wish for things to go back to the way it used to be. I’ve been blessed with the best dogs in the whole world. Brandy was fat and cute and King was handsome and playful. My dogs knew me well. They always made my day. Now I’m in a state of depression and anxiety because I missed them so much. I don’t want to move on because I don’t want to forget. The pain helps me remember them. I wish people could understand.

I’m writing this post because I’m scared and not sure what to do anymore.

Rip brandy my dog you are loved :(

Rip brandy my dog you are loved :(

Yesday was sad day for me because my dog brandy has past away in the morning. Im sorry it took me so long to write this post Im just hurting. Missing her. I just want to honour her with this gallery. So I will never lose these photos. Brandy death was harder than her son “king” who passed away also 5 months ago. With brandy gone I dont know how im gonna live. Im alone now. Both my dogs are gone. Brandy was my life. With her gone I dont know what im gonna do. Its been a hard day so far. To many tears where shed by me and my family. Brandy I hope u happy where u gone to now. It was you who made me happy and not me making u happy. Remember I will always love you.

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Wish my dog would live forever

Wish my dog would live forever

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This has been a stressful week for me because my dog ‘Brandy’ is very sick. Not to long ago ,last year august 2014 I lost my other dog ‘king’ which was ‘Brandy’s’ son. King’s death broke me and drove me to take antidepressants.

Now im so stressed because we took Brandy to the vet and they gave her meds and she still not eating and was spewing. Im scared that the meds might not be working. I cant deal with the loss of yet another dog. Im scare. Sad. Wishing, hoping and praying she will get better.

My dogs has made my life so much better, when I was lonely and friends where busy I always had my dogs. But I am praying she gets better but if things turn for the worst I pray God will take her peacefully and not let her suffer.

What can I do but pray now! I love her. Only a real pet lover would understand this. I had to write down how I feel because this is eating me inside.

Today is 1 week since my dog “King” pasted away

Today is 1 week since my dog “King” pasted away

Today is exactly 1 week since my dog “KinG” has pasted away. I thought I was doing ok until yesterday but today the reality of knowing that exactly a week ago on this day, my dog died. I broke down with tears crying.

Later that day I was talking to my mom. We was talking about how quite it is that my dog “KinG” is gone. Then I never expected my mom to break down in tears saying how much she misses him.
Then and there I realised how selfish I was! All this time I was thinking about myself ,about how much I miss “KinG”. I never stopped to think about how my family is feeling about this loss. My mom she loved “King”. She treated him like a child. No like a baby.

My dog “KinG” was the life of this house. As soon as we wake up his barking for his food. He walks in and out of the house as he pleases. Jumps on the bed when he feels like. Obsessed with playing the ball and won’t stop barking until I play with him. He certainly earned the name “KinG” by behaving like one.

I miss him a lot. I still have regret about how he died. I didn’t want to put him down but if we didn’t, he would of suffered and died anyway. Still I wish I could turn back time and wish I had noticed he was sick earlier. So we could of saved him. I let my best friend down I feel 😦 .

I like to thank all the people who had supported me through this loss. I thank my friends moses and oyeshan for coming to see me on the day “KinG” died. It helped having friends around to bare some of the pain.

Despite my regrets. The thing that made me cry the most was? Before “KinG” died he gave me 1 last gift. He woke up and looked me and my mom wagging his tail like he would normally do when he was well and went back to sleep. He looked happy when he did that. I guess he was saying good bye in his own way. Every time I think back to that moment I want to cry. He may of been ready to say good bye but I wasn’t.

I want to honour my Dog “KinG” with my life. He made me happy and I’m gonna do what I can to become successful. When I get over this loss I will help my family and make my parents happy like “KinG” did for us. He was a gift from GOD. How ever little time we had with him, I’m glad we knew him at all. I hope you watching over me “KinG”. I will do my best to take of your mother “Brandy”. I will spend more time with her as I can.

I’ll soon upload a gallery of my dog “KinG” in this month. So I can remember him and I will always have his photos weather it be online or offline.

Grieving for the loss of a pet

Grieving for the loss of a pet

This week has been most devastating to me and my family. This week tuesday I had to put off my dog ‘King’ due to him having kidney failure. Grieving is difficult. Feeling guilty, regret and depression sinks in.

That tuesday and wednesday I could not comprehend or believe that he is gone. I was in denial. Thursday I guess it finally sunk in that he is gone and never coming back. My family has taken this very hard as well. I’m trying to be strong for them and my other dog who is in fact who is kings mother.

Still it isn’t easy I barely ate since my dog “Kings” death. Sometimes I feel ok and at peace knowing he was happy and that he made me happy. Others times I feel devastated wishing and longing he was here with me. To play with him. To throw the ball for him. Play catch.

I’ve been to some online support groups regarding a loss of a pet, and they say pretty much the same thing. That we feel guilty. I mean I wish I spotted his sickness earlier maybe I could of saved him and he would still be here with me today. That kind of guilt! Its hard to ignore. Despite the support groups saying that we should not feel guilty, but we do.

Yesterday I woke up so late. Spent half the day in bed because I just couldn’t wake up and face the day. I’m still grieving even today but it isn’t as bad as earlier this week. Still it made me aware that life is pointless. Why live when you just gonna lose everything. Money can’t buy the thing you want the most. It can’t give you time back.

I’ve had a lot of support from my friends when my dog died. They understood how much I love my dog. That they are my family. That I would even put my dogs first before my friends. I’m not done grieving but I have a little peace knowing my dog was happy.

Looking at my dog’s photos sometimes gives me comfort. I’ve cried so much that I don’t know if I have any more tears to shed. I wouldn’t wish this pain on any pet owner. Love your pets and make time for them is my advice to all pet owners.

I just had to right down this and express how I feel.