The wall before me!

Hi my blog family I’m sure you guessed from my title of this post. You know I’m talking about the challenges I’m facing in my life right now and I thought a wall would be the best way to describe my situation. This huge wall is blocking my way to success. On this wall is engraved things such as “lack of confidence, fear of failure, anxiety, depression, loneliness, it will never work out, you not good enough”.

You could say I’m unemployed as of this month. So I feel stuck. Especially when you lose that stability of having a job and the world becomes a more scarier place. Jobs are hard to come by and I’m looking at my options they aren’t good. Even if I got a job my anxiety is so bad and learning something new will make me fall apart, get fired on the job and fall into a deep depression.

I’ve been reading online of alternative ways of making money! Its not my style making passive income but its seems worth a try. Selling graphics online. I’m not looking to get rich quick but I am looking to work hard so I make a fair amount of money and feel like I’ve accomplished something.

That aside I haven’t found a single shred of inspiration to design anything lately. I’ve been in this depressed slump. I know there are few people who believes in me and I want to meet their expectations but its so hard just getting started. Monday I was so messed up mentally I was in bed 80% of the day. Then a old childhood friend whatsapp me telling she was thinking of me and wanted to know how I was feeling. I told her everything and she really encouraged me showing there is hope. She even called me and prayed with me which was great because I’ve never had much support in my life.

Also my friend Zak is always there for me giving me advice when we have our mastermind sessions. I’m not sure how to face this wall before me. I’m sure many of you go through something similar. Love to hear how some of you overcame your problems. As for me right now I’m just going to try something new and see how it works out.

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Back to work tomorrow and I wish you a happy new year

Hi and a happy new year.  This is my 1st post this 2016. Sure I been missed to blog but I was on holiday.  We all need that time off to recharge.  Especially if you had a challenging 2015 with tragedy and loss.  So far my holiday has been great spending it with family and close friends.

Yesterday my friends and I went to the animal farm and beach because it was my friends birthday.  I went on a few dates this holiday to.

After enjoying myself last December and this January I’m still in holiday mode and I just got a message today saying I must come in work tomorrow.  My mindset isn’t quite there yet.  It’s rather lazy at the moment.  Not sure if il be ready for a hard days work just yet.

Maybe it’s about time I get back into work mode after all I have big goals for this year.  It certainly has been an interesting new years hope 2016 is gonna be an awesome year for me and you to of course.  I think I need to reestablish a relationship with God to.  Can’t do anything without almighty.  Anyway love you readers for reading and contributing to my life.  After all you inspire me to wanna blog.

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The feeling of doubt creeping in!

Lately apart from my job as a graphic designer. I wanted to slowly build my own client base and work from home. Be my own boss. I’ve already started putting things together. My website I’m working on, business cards etc. Recently one of these days this strange feeling just hit me. The reality of what I’m doing. This feeling of doubt came over me. Like? Are you really going to start your own business. Thoughts like no way you can do it.

Continue reading “The feeling of doubt creeping in!”

Almost ready to start my own design company

Hi sorry once again I’ve been so busy caught up with my job as a graphic designer. Been busy with a project for my boss but lately decided to work on side to build my own design company. I finally sorted my new email and now building the website.

Don’t get me wrong I love my job but I want to work for myself! Simply because I want more creative freedom. To create simple smart designs which also is my tagline for my business. Working for a company as a graphic designer is great. I learnt a lot but I feel I am restricted in terms of creative freedom.

So I won’t quite my job but I won’t stop building my business either. Its about to take off soon. I don’t consider myself an entrepreneur but in order to succeed I think I should! Life is short and we should live life the way we want but most of all challenge ourselves in order to live a fulfilled life. I’m glad I have the support from my family and friends.

Life is good and I feel so bless.

Feeling emotionless

Hi if been wondering where i am. I’m proud to say life is good. Been busy at work. Doing a job i love. I have a new phone i always wanted. Awesome friends and family that supports me but!

I can’t explain this feeling of numbness. Like i feel no emotions at times. I should be happy life is going great but for some reason I’m not feeling the way i should.

Sometimes i wonder what’s the point, working, success. Guess after my dogs died it affected me more than i knew. There’s a hole in my heart i cannot fill. Even relationships with people can’t seem to fill that void in my life. What’s wrong with me that i feel this way. God has blessed me so much. Still i do not know happiness. Maybe I’m going insane. But this is how i feel.

Finally achieved my client design goal

Hi followers, and friends. Hope you weekend is treating you better than its treating me. For me this weekend was about finishing a book cover design for a client. I’m happy to say I finally achieved that today thank God. It was easy but I was motivated. So much so that I was in the zone and managed to design 3 beautiful but elegant book covers.

I was friday night when I started. I wasn’t sure if I could get it done. Saturday came and I reminded myself why I need to do this and succeed. This is the 1st time I’ve challenged myself in a long time. I happy to say its been a long time since I felt alive like this.

Today was a win for me and I am grateful to God for giving me creative ability that help me achieve my clients goal. Also my friend Zak helped a lot more than he knows. He inspired me that I could do it even when I doubt that I could.

Anyway just had to blog my today progress. Have an awesome weekend.

Anxiety, graphic design and a difficult client

Its been about 2 weeks now that my friend organised me an opportunity to do some design work. The client wants a book cover designed. I’ve have a lot of failed attempts in pleasing this client, because I’m not really sure what he wants. Last week I designed a cover exactly how he wanted with the help of my friend Zak khan. He did like it then but changed his mind this week.

I need to wrap up this job by this weekend. I just met with my friend Zak earlier today to discuss design ideas. I believe we made progress. We always seem to be a good creative team. Now that I am home the lights are off because of load shedding which is something common here in south africa now days. So about 2 hours I’ll have to wait before the lights come on.

Waiting and waiting I’ve been building up anxiety. Feeling very anxious because I’m in the mode to design and I can’t wait anymore but I can’t do a thing till the lights come on. I had to take my anxiety meds because I began to breathe heavily and panic a little. Anyway I have my reasons for why I need to get this job done soon. I’m sure my friend Zak knows why to 🙂 I’d also like to thank my friend Zak for this opportunity.

Wish me luck and everyone have a great weekend 🙂