Hi if you been reading my blog I’m sure you read about my dogs recently passing away, today is exactly 2 weeks now that my precious dog ‘Brandy’ passed away. Today my mom tells me she had a dream about her and I burst into tears. I miss her so much and it ihas gotten any easier because 5 months ago my other dog named ‘King’ passed away. He was also brandy’s son.
I wasn’t even over kings death and now brandy is gone to. Its devastating. I’ve been keeping myself busy lately but every now and then the realisation that my dogs are gone gives me a lot of anxiety, because I long for them. I can’t imagine a life without them but that is exactly what my life is right now.
I think about suicide a lot. I mean I don’t have a girlfriend or a lot of female friends. I have close friends but they have their own lives too. All I had was my dogs. I lived for them. No one understands my loneliness. I just want to die. I don’t even know how I got through these past 2 weeks. Still it hasn’t gotten any easier.
I wish for things to go back to the way it used to be. I’ve been blessed with the best dogs in the whole world. Brandy was fat and cute and King was handsome and playful. My dogs knew me well. They always made my day. Now I’m in a state of depression and anxiety because I missed them so much. I don’t want to move on because I don’t want to forget. The pain helps me remember them. I wish people could understand.
I’m writing this post because I’m scared and not sure what to do anymore.
Yesday was sad day for me because my dog brandy has past away in the morning. Im sorry it took me so long to write this post Im just hurting. Missing her. I just want to honour her with this gallery. So I will never lose these photos. Brandy death was harder than her son “king” who passed away also 5 months ago. With brandy gone I dont know how im gonna live. Im alone now. Both my dogs are gone. Brandy was my life. With her gone I dont know what im gonna do. Its been a hard day so far. To many tears where shed by me and my family. Brandy I hope u happy where u gone to now. It was you who made me happy and not me making u happy. Remember I will always love you.
This has been a stressful week for me because my dog ‘Brandy’ is very sick. Not to long ago ,last year august 2014 I lost my other dog ‘king’ which was ‘Brandy’s’ son. King’s death broke me and drove me to take antidepressants.
Now im so stressed because we took Brandy to the vet and they gave her meds and she still not eating and was spewing. Im scared that the meds might not be working. I cant deal with the loss of yet another dog. Im scare. Sad. Wishing, hoping and praying she will get better.
My dogs has made my life so much better, when I was lonely and friends where busy I always had my dogs. But I am praying she gets better but if things turn for the worst I pray God will take her peacefully and not let her suffer.
What can I do but pray now! I love her. Only a real pet lover would understand this. I had to write down how I feel because this is eating me inside.
Today is exactly 1 week since my dog “KinG” has pasted away. I thought I was doing ok until yesterday but today the reality of knowing that exactly a week ago on this day, my dog died. I broke down with tears crying.
Later that day I was talking to my mom. We was talking about how quite it is that my dog “KinG” is gone. Then I never expected my mom to break down in tears saying how much she misses him.
Then and there I realised how selfish I was! All this time I was thinking about myself ,about how much I miss “KinG”. I never stopped to think about how my family is feeling about this loss. My mom she loved “King”. She treated him like a child. No like a baby.
My dog “KinG” was the life of this house. As soon as we wake up his barking for his food. He walks in and out of the house as he pleases. Jumps on the bed when he feels like. Obsessed with playing the ball and won’t stop barking until I play with him. He certainly earned the name “KinG” by behaving like one.
I miss him a lot. I still have regret about how he died. I didn’t want to put him down but if we didn’t, he would of suffered and died anyway. Still I wish I could turn back time and wish I had noticed he was sick earlier. So we could of saved him. I let my best friend down I feel 😦 .
I like to thank all the people who had supported me through this loss. I thank my friends moses and oyeshan for coming to see me on the day “KinG” died. It helped having friends around to bare some of the pain.
Despite my regrets. The thing that made me cry the most was? Before “KinG” died he gave me 1 last gift. He woke up and looked me and my mom wagging his tail like he would normally do when he was well and went back to sleep. He looked happy when he did that. I guess he was saying good bye in his own way. Every time I think back to that moment I want to cry. He may of been ready to say good bye but I wasn’t.
I want to honour my Dog “KinG” with my life. He made me happy and I’m gonna do what I can to become successful. When I get over this loss I will help my family and make my parents happy like “KinG” did for us. He was a gift from GOD. How ever little time we had with him, I’m glad we knew him at all. I hope you watching over me “KinG”. I will do my best to take of your mother “Brandy”. I will spend more time with her as I can.
I’ll soon upload a gallery of my dog “KinG” in this month. So I can remember him and I will always have his photos weather it be online or offline.
Yesterday was the hardest day for me and my family.
We’ve been up from before 5 am yesterday morning. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus because from last week Thursday I noticed my male dog “King” wasn’t eating and seemed depressed. So last week friday my father and I took him to the vet. Its seemed he had gotten tick bite fever.
The vet had given him 4 injections and some medication. My dog seemed ok when we brought him home from the vet last friday but over the weekend he seemed to have gotten worst. From yesterday he has been spewing. That really scares me because that isn’t a good sign.
Yesterday morning when my dad was leaving for work. My dad noticed my dog had no strength to move. So I carried him inside to let him sleep in the house. To be honest I’m terrified. Depressed. King is my life. If I woke up and I was depressed. He would bark at me and force me to play with him and throw the ball. When I’m alone, or no friends is around I always have my dogs.
Now I’m scared when we take him to the vet that they might put him down. I’ve been praying harder than ever had in my life from last week for my dog to get better but he hasn’t. I’m frustrated, irritated, depressed and sad right now.
I can’t bare the thought of losing my dog. The impact it would have on my life. I would even blow off my friends, if we was going out. Id stay at home with my dogs if no one was at home like my parents wasn’t home. I would make any sacrifices for my dogs because that’s how much I love them, more than I love my own life.
Sadly yesterday his condition was critical. Suffering from kidney failure. The spca said we have to put him down or his gonna suffer a painful death if we take him home. Luckily my sister and niece came over to say their good byes because they loved him just as much as I did. I cried. I didn’t wanna let him go and the nurse there chased me from the room and she tried to counsel me after but failed.
I still can’t get over the shock that my dog ‘King’ is gone. The truth is I need him more than he needs me. My life has been a struggle and dealing with depression but waking everyday to see my dog ‘King’ gave me hope because he loved me and waited for me each day to play with him.
I don’t know how I’m gonna live my life. I feel like killing myself. I miss him so much. I will never forget him. I love you ‘King’.
Today was a day I’d never forget I’m still in shock after what has happened. I was watching TV like I normally do and I noticed my neighbours came early from work. So I greeted them and they asked me if I wanted to come with them, because wanted to take their dog to the SPCA. They dog was sick and they know I’m a dog lover. Also I always looked after their dogs from small pup.
Anyway we went to the SPCA thinking their dog “Milo” got a minor sickness and that he would get better soon after seeing the vet. Sadly when we did see the Vet, he had given the news that dog has cancer. It was sad and emotional for me and my neighbours. The Vet told my neighbours that if you love your dog you should put him off because his suffering.
It was a tough decision after watching my neighbours cry and myself crying because I practically raised him. Eventually my neighbours had to put Milo off to sleep. I’m heart broken. I still can’t believe his gone. May you rest in peace.